Learning To Fall

thirty one

I awake to sweat pooling on my forehead, a dark room besides the glow coming from my TV. I try to catch my breath as I sit up, drinking from the water bottle that sits on my bedside table. It's clear to me what Luke said to me at homecoming. I don't know why I hadn't found out earlier, why I didn't concentrate.

I still love you. My head is on my knees, thinking about what to do with this newfound knowledge. I could always tell Calum, but how would he take it? He hasn't mentioned the whole him-being-in-love-with-me thing since that day. He'd been on several dates since then, so maybe it wouldn't matter. Then again, I didn't want to take that chance. My best friend and I were not going to have another falling out. I throw myself back on my mattress, returning to my laying position. The time on my phone told me it was four in the morning, and I sigh as I stare up at my ceiling. The pink stars stare down at me, as if to give me reassurance. Suddenly my phone vibrates from its place on my chest.

Lucifer : I can't sleep, please tell me you're awake

I reply within seconds.

Me : yeah I'm awake. what's up?

Lucifer : Just a weird dream. Why are you awake, is something wrong?

I stare down at my screen, mentally arguing with myself as to if I should tell him or not. My fingers hover over the keyboard, waiting for my brain to come up with something. On one hand, I could tell him I knew and get everything out of the way. But that would just complicate things, and I needed things to be less complicated right now. We could always talk about it later, when things were hopefully simpler. Most of my brain leaned towards that option. So, I go with it.

Me : yeah I'm okay haha, I just had a weird dream too. I guess they're common tonight

Lucifer : I guess you could say that. How are you feeling, it's been a week

Me : just six more and I can get this stupid cast off (: I'm doing okay, how are you?

Lucifer : I've been better, saw Michael today

Lucifer : He was with that girl. Scarlet I think? I wanted to kick his ass.

There's no surprise to that. But that doesn't soften the blow at all. I guess Michael found someone new to occupy his time with. Did he find her intriguing too?

Me : I wouldn't blame you if you did. God

Lucifer : What?

Me : I'm an idiot for falling for him

Lucifer : Don't say that. It's not your fault. If we could control who we fell for life would be a lot easier

Me : you sound like you're talking from experience

Me : does Lukey got himself a girl?

Lucifer : lol

Lucifer : That's funny

Me : how?

Lucifer : Because I've been in love with the same person for a long time

My heart picks up speed like it's a racecar in a street race. Maybe the conversation was going to happen now.

Me : spill it Hemmo

Lucifer : Nope, it doesn't matter anyway.

Lucifer : I'm gonna go back to bed, you should get some sleep. I'll talk to you later. Goodnight

Maybe not.

>>

I pick at my toaster strudel, kicking my feet a little as I sit on the counter. After Luke decided to go to sleep, I did too. Which caused me to sleep through the entire morning, and explains why I didn't hear my family members and Lillian leave this morning. The note on the fridge told me they were going to Lillian's mom's, and wouldn't be back until later on. I knew that Lillian didn't even try to wake me, and Elliot was probably too tired to remember while my dad either thought I knew and didn't want to go or thought I was still at Luke's. Either way, I was fine with staying here. To put it nicely, Lillian's mom, like herself, was a bitch. It must've run in the family.

I called Calum earlier to see if he was busy and he didn't answer, which meant one of two things; 1. He was actually busy, or 2. He was still sleeping. It was now two in the afternoon, and he still hasn't called me back. So here I was, in my pajamas eating a toaster strudel while sitting on the kitchen counter. The day had gone by slowly, consisting of me finishing up a packet for math that was due when we got back from break and watching The 100. I wanted to talk to Luke, but I also didn't at the same time. I wasn't even sure about how I felt. Even though he was a douche, I still had feelings for Michael. So, when Calum finally called me back I was grateful for the distraction.

"I have a valid reason to why I didn't answer your calls," The maori boy explains. I raise my eyebrow, sitting on the couch in the livingroom.

"It better be a good one. Go on," I insist. Calum takes in a breath before replying.

"I slept with someone." The boy musters, and I almost choke on the toaster strudel I was finishing.

"What? Who? Was this last night?" I sputter, trying to compose myself. This meant two things : 1. Calum was over me 2. He found a girl he liked enough to be intimate with.

"Yes, this was last night. And she doesn't want you to know just yet."

"So I know her?" I interrogate, and Calum nods before muttering an agreement. Before he can say anything else, though, my phone begins to ring indicating that someone else was calling. Seeing it was Nova, I tell Calum I'll call him back before answering. She spares me the sake of a 'hello,' instead getting right into the news.

"I slept with Calum."

I'm grateful I wasn't eating, having decided to stop when Calum first called me. But that didn't stop me from being shocked. Granted, the two had chemistry. But I never thought that they would hook up.

"How did this happen?" I decide to ask.

"Well, when two people love each other a lot-"

"That's not what I meant and you know it. Now spill, I want details." I insist, laughing at the girl's sarcasm. She sighs from her side of the call.

"Well, we've been seeing each other in secret for a while now. And last night things escalated, and we both decided that we were ready. Please, don't be mad Ands." Nova begs, and I find myself shaking my head. I wasn't mad; sure, I wished she'd told me, but I wasn't mad.

"I'm not mad. Did anyone else know?" I inquire. Once again, there's a long period of silence from her line. "Nova?"

"Cara and Jules have known. I'm sorry, Andy. It just- I've been friends with them longer, and I didn't know how you'd take it considering Calum was in love with you. Please, don't be mad at me, or Calum. We both agreed that this was for the best."

This time, I'm silent. Four of my closest friends were hiding something from me. It made me feel like I'd been a bad friend, which would give them an excuse to hide this from me. And it hurt, seeing as we were all such good friends. Especially on Calum's part. We've been friends for longer, and we were there for each other when no one else was. To put it gently, it sucked that he kept this from me. And it hurt. But I refused to be mad; why should I be mad at my two friends for finding happiness within each other?

"I'm not mad," I finally declare. Nova lets out an audible sigh of relief. "But, it's going to take a while to process. I promise I'll be fine when I see you next, but right now I just need some time to think. I'm not mad, but I am hurt that you guys would keep this from me. This doesn't mean I hate you guys, I still love all of you. I just need some time." And after saying our goodbyes, the call is ended. After a while, I use my phone for another call. And when the person answers, I speak.

"Can you come over? I need company."