Learning To Fall

thirty two

The figure stands in my doorway, a grocery store bag by their side. I resist the urge to throw myself into their arms, seeing as it would be overwhelming and I didn't want to send them to the ground. They look at my state, and open their arms. That's when I do almost throw myself into their arms.

"It's good to see you too," Rachel laughs as she hugs me. I manage a laugh. She pulls away, taking a glance at me. "You've been through hell, kid. How are you feeling?"

"Confused," I confess. We make our way into the living room before I continue. "I completely cut off ties with Michael, Nova and Calum have been dating and recently hooked up and they kept it from me, and I've also found out that at homecoming Luke told me he was still in love with me. Also, my wrist hurts like a bitch but that's the least of my worries right now." I confess, and Rachel sighs.

"You never get a break, do you?" She asks, and I shrug.

"I did, briefly. And then reality smacked me in the face again." Rachel laughs at this one, and then dumps out the contents of her grocery bag. I furrow my eyebrows at the contents. Now laying on the couch was chocolate, mint icecream, face masks, and an assortment of candy. Rachel looks up at me with a smile.

"Well, then I guess it's time to treat ourselves."

>>

Rachel and I spend the rest of the night watching movies. After we'd finished peeling off our masks and marveling at the amount of blackheads we had on our faces, we made frozen pizzas. Then, we watched Easy A, The House Bunny, and John Tucker Must Die. But, that's as far as Rachel made it before passing out. Sometime during Easy A, Elliot messaged me telling me that they weren't going to make it home tonight and had decided to stay at Lillian's mom's. So, I woke Rachel so that she could move herself into the guest room for the night. Now, I was sitting in my room watching whatever was on the TV. The occasional text from Cara or Jules came in asking if I was okay, to which I responded with a 'yes.' Other than that, I hadn't talked to anyone but Rachel for the remainder of the day. Now I was left alone with my thoughts.

I knew that I wasn't mad at Calum and Nova. I was happy for them, they both deserve nothing but the best. So, if that wasn't it, then what was it? Maybe it was the fact that they kept it a secret. But once again, I knew why they did what they did. The same reason I avoided talking to Luke last night and all of today; to avoid complications.

Then it hits me. I was jealous. Not that Nova was dating Calum, though. It was because they were in a happy and content relationship without anything to mess it up. I wanted that for myself, and it hurt that everyone around me was getting it. There was Calum and Nova, Rachel and Thomas, and soon Ashton and Cara (everyone knew it was coming.) Hell, even Michael had found somebody else. I was jealous that the thing I'd been waiting to happen to me was just happening to everyone else but me. And then there's Luke.

My phone starts to ring, and thinking it's Elliot to rant about something, I answer. But then I look at the LED lights on my alarm clock. It was almost one in the morning, why would Elliot be calling me so late? It was too late to hang up, too. So, I take a look at the contact picture. Taking in a breath, I put the phone back to my ear.

"Hey, Luke." I greet.

"Andy," The boy says breathlessly. I could picture him rubbing his neck nervously. "How are you?"

"I'm okay. What about you? And why do you sound like you just ran a marathon?" I ask the breathless boy.

"Because I feel like I did," Luke laughs in reply. "Come outside."

"You're crazy, it's cold out. Why are you at my house?" I demand, throwing on a hoodie despite my words. I balance the phone between my ear and shoulder as I slip on a pair of boots.

"Because I couldn't sleep so I ran to your house. Now get your ass out here," The blond insists before hanging up. Sighing, I run a hand through my hair before quietly making my way down the stairs. When I open the back door, I see Luke standing on the patio.

"What are you doing? It's nearly one and freezing." I inform him. The blond nods as if this was already known to him.

"I just wanted to see you," Luke answers. I feel my face warm up, and I'm thankful that it's dark enough so he couldn't see the blush creeping onto my face.

"What's up?" I question. Something was wrong, I could tell by his demeanor. Confirming my thoughts, Luke's body almost deflates.

"The other night, when I told you I'd been in love with someone for a while. It's been bothering me since then," The boy confesses. I reach out a hand to rub his shoulder reassuringly.

"Do you want to go inside? You know, so we don't turn into popsicles?" I joke, and the boy manages a smile and nods. Minutes later, we're sitting by each other in the livingroom. The room was dimly lit by the TV, which was playing old reruns of How I Met Your Mother. The lanky boy was sat next to me, fumbling with the sleeves of his hoodie. "Luke?" I ask, and his head jolts up to look at me. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing to worry about Andy," Luke sighs, and I raise an eyebrow.

"If it was nothing, why are you at my house at almost one?" I interrogate, and he sighs.

"Because I wanted to see you." The blue eyed boy insists, and I give him a look to let him know that I knew he was hiding something. "And I needed some advice."

"Advice about what?" I reply, and he starts fumbling with his sleeves again.

"There's this girl. She's been in my life for a while now, and she's wonderful. Since I first met her she's captivated my mind, and her every word makes my heart flutter. Even when she wasn't being the nicest. Recently, though, she's gotten hurt. And I hate it. She says she's fine, but I know she just wants to go home and curl into a ball under the covers. Recently, she's needed me and even though it's only platonic, I feel like I have more of a purpose now. But I don't want to say anything, because I don't know how she'll take it. And I just want to tell her every day that I love her, I'm in love with her, but I can't. I'm too afraid to lose her again." The boy shakily confesses. When he sighs at the end, I know to start talking. But the words weren't coming to me.

"It's me, isn't it?" I ask stupidly. Of course it was me, who else could it be? When I make eye contact with Luke, he nods. The boy was wearing a fragile expression, if you were to be too loud to him or say something without thinking first, he would surely break. "Luke," I begin, but the boy shakes his head and stands.

"This was a dumb idea, I shouldn't of came," He mutters, moving towards the back door despite my protests.

"Luke, it's freezing." I argue, chasing after him. "Luke, stop so we can talk about this."

"I'm not going to listen to you deny me, I'm saving myself from the rejection Andy." He's closer to the door this time, and my stomach lurches at the thought of him leaving. I didn't want him to leave, risking the cold and criminals. I cared too much for him to just let him go. He wasn't in the right mindset, and I would hate myself if he got hurt.

"Luke, kiss me." I demand. The boy stops in his tracks, hand grabbing the handle for the door. He's a foot away from me in a matter of a few strides.

"Andy, what did you just say to me?" He inquires, his blue eyes searching my darker ones for any hesitations. He wouldn't find any; they didn't exist.

"I want you to kiss me." I find my voice, and his eyes soften. Without wasting another second, he sends his lips to mine like waves crash against the shore. I feel warmth spread from my head to my toes, and it's like the sun was shining for the first time after a storm. The cold that Michael left me is replaced with the ever-growing warmth that Luke evokes whenever he's around. When we pull away, the warmth stays. Luke leans his forehead against mine, letting out a breath. I look for any sign of guilt, or regret. It's my turn to search for something and come up empty, though. There was nothing but pure romantic love in Luke's eyes.

Something I'd been missing for a while.