Learning To Fall

nineteen

"So, who's your secret admirer?" Ashton asks from my side at our newly acquired lunch table. I look across the lunch room to see Calum sitting with his soccer friends, and Michael sitting with the seniors I recognized at the party the other night.

"Sorry, what?" I ask, and he rolls his eyes jokingly.

"If you didn't have your head in the gutter, you'd know that I asked you who your secret admirer ended up being." Ash sasses, and I throw my fry at him. Somehow within two days, Ashton managed to convince me that school lunches weren't that bad.

"It was Calum, if you must know." The blond artist's eyes widen, and then he giggles.

"Awkward." He says, knowing what was going on between Calum and I. I nod. Indeed, it was very awkward. Especially since Michael basically predicted the future. "Speaking of, how is that going?"

"Not good," I shake my head. "I could literally feel Michael's eyes burning through the back of my head in Anatomy."

"Yeah, he's doing that whole I'll-beat-you-to-a-pulp glare," Ashton observes, nodding at Michael. I turn to look at him, and as soon as Michael sees me staring he stops and gets up from his table. Instead of walking to the one we were currently at, he walks out. I shake my head and stand.

"I'm gonna go talk to him. If any more of those stupid lacrosse players call you gay again, tell me and I'll take their sticks and shove them-"

"Andy," The boy across from me laughs. "I can handle it."

"Ash, I see your face every time they call you names. Don't lie to me," I say, and his face falls.

"I'll meet you in the library, we have a whole thirty minutes to go and I get the feeling it'll take you a while," He tells me, gathering his sketchbook and lunch. We walk out together, but turn different ways.

I walk around for another ten minutes before I go outside to look for Michael. Finally, I find him in a corner where you wouldn't see him if you were in the school. It's a good thing I wasn't. So, I go over and stand in front of him.

"Dude, get the fuck out of- Andy?" Michael asks, looking up. I nod and sit on the bench next to him.

"Hey," I sigh, and he nods.

"Hey."

"So, come here often?" Michael jokes when things get too quiet. Maybe he didn't remember what happened, but his black eye told me otherwise. So, I had to talk about it.

"You really suck, you know that?" I ask, and he laughs shortly.

"I'm well aware,"

"I'm serious Michael. If you don't like me you could've just told me. Instead, everything is fucked up and I'm not saying it's your fault, but damn. I haven't talked to Calum since the day after that stupid party."

"I know." He answers, puffs of air coming from his mouth.

"Then say it," I demand, and feel him turn to face me on the bench.

"Say what?"

"Say you don't like me."

"No." Michael simply replies, and I drop my hands in my lap and face him.

"Why not?"

"Because," The infuriating boy simply says, and I huff. Why was he so difficult at times?

"I can handle it, Michael." I insist. He nods along, the back of his beanie moving with him. I roll my eyes. "Then just say it!"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because it's true?" I sass, our eyes meeting.

"Nah." Is all he says before standing and going to walk away. I don't give him the chance as I'm standing up myself and turning him to face me.

"What do you mean?" I interrogate, a smile finding its way onto Michael's face.

"I like you, Andy." His statement causes me to move away in shock. He likes me? What was I supposed to do now? Michael Clifford actually likes me. How am I supposed to handle this information? "A lot."

I'm torn between wanting to run away into the snowy forest to never be seen again and pulling Michael in. And all that's on my mind is me hoping the red in my cheeks isn't noticeable, and if so, that Michael thought it was because of the cold. Was it my turn to say something? I rack my brain for something to say, but all I find is the simple thought; Michael likes me back. So, I say the first thing on my mind.

"You're trash, Clifford." He smiles smugly before replying.

"Then take me out."

But, life can't be perfect. Once he says those words, I'm wondering how many other girls he's said that to. And, the real reason for this discussion. If he likes me so much, why stick his tongue down some girl with purple hair's throat?

"Michael, no. You need to explain," I state, crossing my arms. His face visibly drops as he remembers what he did Saturday night.

"I'm dumb, I was drunk and high off of my mind, I didn't know you liked me. I thought you regretted kissing me so my dumbass decided to get out my anger at you in a different way. You have every right to be pissed at me, for that and for what I did to Calum. I fucked up, and I'm dealing with the consequences. I'm sorry," Michael apologizes, and I take in what he says before nodding.

"You're really dumb," I laugh, and watch as his face relaxes.

"I know."

>>

"God, you guys are so cute." Ashton gushes, sitting across from me on my bed. I sigh, and go back to copying his French notes.

"Isn't he infamous for hooking up with someone different every week?" I inquire, Ashton shrugs.

"Not usually," He finally answers. I give him a look. "What?"

"I've heard otherwise."

"I'm gonna let you in on a secret; he does it for appearances."

"How do you know?" I ask.

"Once upon a time, when Michael first got here, we were friends." Ashton reveals. A soft 'oh' makes its way from my mouth. "Yeah," Is all Ash says before we go back to doing homework.

I try to focus on finding what x×y is but my mind wanders to other things. Like Michael and I. What are we? I didn't want to be that typical girl, but hey, it was a valid question. Finally, after thirty minutes of being swarmed with thoughts of Michael, I give up on my math and decide to finish during Study Hall.

"So," Ash says, disrupting the silence. "Your birthday's coming up."

I knew where he was going with this. "Yeah, and?" I ask. A giggle makes its way past his lips.

"And, I was wondering what you wanted to do. Nova and Cara should be all moved into their house by tomorrow." I nod, and think for a minute.

"I don't really wanna do anything," I state. The boy gasps.

"Dude, when I turned 18, it was great. There was a huge party, and-"

"Wait. You started a year late too?" I ask, and he nods. Dad didn't want Eli and me to start kindergarten at the time everyone else did. So, we were always a year older than most people in our classes. "Thank God."

"What do you wanna do for your birthday?" Ash continues, I shake my head.

"Elliot and I just usually go to an arcade, we're always together for our birthday." I admit. Ashton nods.

"You know, maybe you should try being your own person, and not Elliot's twin," Ashton offers, and I stick out my tongue at the teasing boy.

"I am, Irwin. Maybe you should try actually talking to Cara as more than a friend," I tease, and the sandy blond narrows his eyes at me.

"Shut up, Tate."