Learning To Fall

twenty five

After five minutes, I pull my head from its spot on Luke's shoulder. He looks at me with concern, mentally asking if I was okay. I shake my head, and the boy rubs my much smaller shoulder.

"You know, I'll let you kick my ass. It's the only redemption I can give you." I shake my head, but Luke continues. "Come on. Please kick my ass,"

"I'm not kicking your ass, Luke," I find myself laughing, a small smile tugging at the boy's pierced lip. He runs a hand through his blond hair before responding.

"I saw you talking to Michael earlier. What did he have to say?" My chest hurts as I think about the conversation I had with Michael. All of the sweet things he said was nothing but a lie. I bite the inside of my cheek, wringing my sleeves.

"Like it matters. He's probably upstairs screwing some girl. I'm so dumb." I answer, my head coming to rest in the cradle of my hands. I feel an arm being wrapped around me, immediately sinking into the embrace. Even though what Luke did wasn't the best, he validated himself. "Luke, what did I ever do to Cecily?" I mumble into him.

"It's because you're amazing," He whispers, causing me to laugh. "And she sucks." I pull away to look at him after his statement.

"You're dating her."

"Correction, I was dating her. We broke up after the first letters were sent out. You'll never guess what I caught her doing," The Austrailian says. I raise an eyebrow, and he huffs. "She was cheating throughout our whole "relationship," if that's what you'd call it." The laugh makes its way out of my mouth before I can even think about holding it in.

"What a bitch," I shake my head, watching as Luke nods in reply. I lean back onto the couch again, the boy next to me copying my moves. "People suck." I sigh, watching the dry ice make swirls of smoke go around the room. Luke sighs from my side.

"I'll drink to that," The boy says, tilting his bottle back and downing the rest of the intoxicating liquid. I furrow my brows. As he turns to me he raises his in question.

"How are you getting home?"

"Relax. I'm not dumb enough to drink and drive, you can't get rid of me that easily. Ashton agreed to drive me, since he's not too keen on drinking." Luke answers, drumming his fingers against his thighs.

"Andy!" Calum exclaims, full of astonishment as he runs towards the place we sit. When he notices who's next to me, confusion is one way to describe his expression; anger is another. The boy speeds over to us, and when he does he glares accusingly at Luke. "Leave her alone Hemmings, you already hurt her enough." I feel Luke tense up in reply.

"Just get out of here, Calum. Go hook up with another random girl." Luke bites back, and Calum's scowl deepens.

"That's rich, coming from you. At least I know how to treat a woman." Calum slurs, and Luke laughs bitterly while coming to a stand.

"We're not doing this," I state, standing and physically getting in between the two intoxicated boys. The amounts of testosterone in this building was ridiculous, enough to make any lesbian relieved that they weren't attracted to the male gender.

"Why are you sticking up for him?" Calum insists, his warm brown eyes filled with nothing but betrayal.

"Because, Cal. He's not as guilty as we thought." I reply, finding somewhere else to look. Calum scoffs, the sound cold and unforgiving.

"You can't be serious. He broke your heart!" I flinch back, not expecting him to yell. My eyes trail to the ground, but Calum's hands come to sit on my shoulders. "Ands, tell me you're not serious." He begs, but I shake my head.

"I don't expect you to understand," I answer. "Especially now." I say, referring to his drunken state.

"Try me." Is his response. Sighing, I run a hand through my hair.

"You were right about Michael. He's a liar, and he was bet that he couldn't get me to fall for him. So that's what he's been trying to do." Calum's eyes scan my face, then he looks over my shoulder at Luke. Nodding, he backs away. A breath of relief comes out of my mouth, knowing that he understood. When we make eye contact again, the taller and darker boy pulls me to his warm body, wrapping his arms around my waist. My head freely rests on his shoulder, as his does on mine.

"I'm sorry, Ands," Cal mumbles, his breath tickling my neck. I sigh for what it seems to be the billionth time tonight. When Calum pulls away, a wide grin appears on his face. "We should dance." I open my mouth to reject him, but Luke interferes.

"I agree completely." I turn to him, and the lanky boy also wears a shit-eating grin. "Come on, it'll be fun. Plus, aren't you gonna be a legal adult in two days? Let's go," He nudges me towards the dance floor gently, and I decide to not fight him. So, we dance.

>>

Soon enough, people file inside due to the dropping weather. And physically, I'm not prepared. Because as happy as I may of been dancing with Luke and Calum, it didn't show how I was feeling inside. I had fallen for someone who had no interest in me, but had put on an act to convince me otherwise. I wasn't ready to walk into another birthday being broken-hearted. So, when Calum and Luke are preoccupied at the table of drinks, I escape outside.

The serene backyard is a complete 180 from the chaotic scene inside. The warm puffs of air come out of my mouth as I step into the crisp white snow. I didn't want to be aware of what year it was, because in reality nothing had changed. Everyone is still going to be the same person they were, no matter how hard they try to change. It's just a matter of what layers of yourself you show to others.

When I decide I'm far enough into the football sized backyard, I stop. The cold air chills my nose, most likely making it take on a reddish-pink tint. After taking a breath of cold air, I lay in the five inch high snow. As soon as I land, the breath is forced out of me. Although it was cold, it was better than the warm house full of sweaty bodies. The warm house full of people who probably weren't aware of my absence yet. I didn't want to think about them.

The stars beg for my attention, so I look up. One of the only good things about being out this far was the stars. They gleamed for everyone to see, although rarely people paid attention. Michael was right about one thing; I noticed things that no one else wanted to, or cared about. Looking up at the constellations, I remember. No matter how far we go, it still feels like we're next to each other, Michael's words remind me. Tears sting my eyes, and I wipe them away with the back of my sleeve.

"You ruined the stars," I cry to no one in particular, the tears coming to the point where I don't bother to wipe them away. "I trusted you and you ruined the stars."

>>

A cold hand on my forehead wakes me up, although I don't remember falling asleep. The immediate blast of hot air on my face encourages my eyes to open. Above me, I see a relieved Calum. He releases a breath and lays his head on my stomach. I come to the conclusion that I was laying across his lap. We were moving, though, I could feel it. I sit up to see that we're driving in Calum's jeep. Luke couldn't be driving, he was intoxicated.

"Don't worry, Ash is driving." Cal answers the question I hadn't asked, and I nod. He offers his shoulder, and I lean on it gladly. "Are you trying to kill yourself?" He asks softly.

"It wasn't on purpose," I defend, but Calum hums. "Cal, I swear. You aren't getting rid of me that easily."

"If it was any colder, you could've gotten hypothermia. Especially because your clothes were wet," He sighs, pulling me tighter. "Don't do that again."

"Don't worry," I sigh, thinking of something else. "I won't."