I love you/I hate you

Worry (pt2)

Peridot never thought she could feel like this. Not after all that happened, she didn't think that she'd ever have to deal with them again; but now there was no doubt.

They were back.

The feelings. The hatred, self-loathing, anger, pity. All of them. 

They were back.

Peridot curled into a tighter ball, willing herself, futilely, not to cry. She barely was able to step into her room without feeling overwhelmed, seeing her face.. That shattered her. 

Fat tears stained the navy blue sheets of the bed in which she laid. She hadn't moved in three days, not to eat, not to go to the bathroom, not to play games, she just stayed there. Static. Lapis tried to coax her to do her work but it was worthless. 

Peridot was broken.

Peridot couldn't be fixed.

Peridot was shattered.

"Peridot?" 

She didn't move, but she offered a hum. It was the least that she could do.

"Can you do something for me."

Peridot didn't trust herself to talk, she didn't trust herself to do anything, but for the first time in three days, she turned and looked at Lapis. "Depends." The word sounded like nails on chalkboard, it was grating. 

Lapis smiled slightly, again, for the first time in three days, Peridot felt something warm and welcoming, but it was crushed down by the bad feelings. "Can you rub my back?"

Peridot stared at her for a split second before getting up, "Let me take a piss first." She muttered, moving to the bathroom. 

After relieving herself, she walked over to Lapis who was already laying on her stomach, her head resting on her arms lazily, and straddled her. 

She moved her hands, rubbing the girls bare back. 

Groans of pleasure escaped the dark-skinned's lips, making Peridot feel another spark.

But it was crushed.

Lapis let out a sigh and moved so that she was looking up at Peridot on her back. "Peridot."

"Hmm?"

"I love-"

"Don't." 

With that Peridot shot next to the girl, curling up in a ball. 

And there she stayed until Lapis left. 

---

"You okay?" Hazel eyes met ocean blue eyes. Lapis had started to go to school so no more suspicion arose. She heard whispering about Peridot, most theories of her disappearance had something to do with herself, but some were... gruesome. 

Lapis sighed, "Yeah, I'm good Jasper." The jock stared at her for a second before tapping her fingers on the desk, "I hate this." She growled, "I need to find Peri. Goddamn it this is just like her!" She held her face in one of her hands, tears rolling down her face. 

"What do you mean?" Lapis gazed at her, confused. Jasper gave a dry laugh, "She pulled this shit when her and Pearl broke up." She tightened the grip on her shorts, "She was at the hospital but after that... she was gone. She came back a month later and.. well she wasn't the same." 

Lapis frowned, "Was she skinny?"

"She looked dead."

Lapis felt her throat tighten up, that's how Peridot looked now. Dead. Wiped of any emotion that she once conveyed, like when you put a magnet on a computer screen. She captured her bottom lip and bit down, drawing blood. Jasper noticed straight away and wrapped her arm around her. "Hey, she's not.. actually.. dead. I.. I know her, she can't be. She's a strong one, stronger then me in allot of ways." Jasper smiled slightly and stood, walking away. 

Lapis watched her and sighed, she hated lying. There was nothing to gain from the activity and it caused allot of heartbreak and unnecessary harm, but she knew that she had to.

For Peridot.

Lapis let out another strained sigh and stood, the ice cream that she had bought suddenly didn't look appetizing anymore. 

She turned and started her journey to her Ocean Biology class, when she caught sight of Amethyst approaching her.

She wanted to run, but she knew that it cause suspicion so she stood static until the Latina stopped, gazing at her intently. "Do you know where P-dot is? I did something, I.." She looked down, clenching her fist, just as Jasper had done. 

"No, I don't."

Lapis hated lying.

---

Knock, knock, knock

Lapis opened her eyes, she wasn't expecting visitors. Sapphire would of texted her before coming because Lapis asked her to, a safety precaution that wasn't quite needed but Lapis didn't want Peridot to face Pearl or anyone else before she was ready. 

"Peridot, hide." She ordered, looking at the girl who was already moving, gathering her things. She watched as the blonde pulled herself and climbed out the window before she slid it shut. 

Knock, knock, knock

Lapis moved to the front of the house and opened the door, there stood two men, one was slightly aged, gray hairs in his blonde hair and beard prevalent, while the other was younger. 

She recognized the older one as the captain of the Empire City police chief. 

"Aye Captain." she drawled lazily, she always liked Chief Edwards, he was nice. Edwards smiled slightly, "Hello Lapis, it's been forever since I've seen you. Staying out of trouble?"

"Eh, I try, but trouble has a hard time staying out of me." She shrugged, throwing him a toothy smile, which he chuckled at. "So," she finally decided to cut the pleasantries, "I know you didn't visit me just to catch up. What did I do this time?"

Edwards smile faded, "You tell me. I've gotten word of a missing person, Peridot Diamond. Her last phone ping was from this location two days ago-" it dawned on Lapis that Peridot was smart enough to turn off her phone, "And I have a hard time believing it was pure coincidence."

Lapis chuckled, "Peridot.." She murmured, "Yeah, she was here. She called me late at night, saying she couldn't stay home. Something happened with her ex or something? I don't know but I picked her up. She stayed the night and the next day was gone. I haven't seen her in three  days." 

Today was the forth day that Peridot has been hiding out here?

Edwards sighed, "I still have to check."

Lapis nodded and moved out of the way, watching as the two police men moved throughout her house, occasionally calling 'Clear!' until they were back on her front porch. 

The Chief turned and looked at his companion, "Go in the car and call the family." He ordered, the younger man nodded, honoring the request, before the older man turned to Lapis. "I know she's here." He said, a spark in his baby blue eyes. Lapis smiled, "Can't pull anything past you can I Captain?" She sighed, "What do I have to do to get you not to tell?"

"Nothing. I know what happened between Peridot and Pearl, it doesn't surprise me that she disappeared after seeing her. I worked on her case when she disappeared the first time to. Peridot has a habit of running away." That made Lapis tense. 

"She couldn't handle going into her room without freaking out, how do you expect her to handle seeing her?" Lapis was starting to get defensive. Edwards reached over and rested his hand on her shoulder, "Lapis, I know you care about her, that's why you're taking so many measures to hide her. But, as a family friend and professional, I'm telling you that this," He gestures to the house, "is solving nothing. Peridot needs to stop running, she needs to be brave enough to face this head on." He turned, "Friday Lapis. I'm giving you till Friday to sort this out." 

With that, he left, the black and white car speeding down the road.

Lapis let out a soft sigh and walked back inside. She moved into her room and saw Peridot setting her things back up before she looked up, her emerald eyes dull.

It was at that moment that Lapis realized the gravity of the situation and made a decision.

A decision that could shatter more than she bargained for.