Chapter 15

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"You fucked in a janitors closet?"

"Yes, Brendon it is definitely the most risky thing I've ever done"

"Jeez, I wish Ryan and I did that kind of stuff"

"It smelled pretty bad in there I'm not sure if you really wanna do that" I laughed.

"Maybe. I gotta go. Fill me in on what else happens later okay?"

"Okay. Love you Bren"

"Love you horny little shit" he hung up. Damn. Thanks Bren. I searched through my fridge for something to eat. I grabbed a part of carrot and bit into it like a bunny. My running shower stopped. Pete was done in it. He came over after work. He walked out after two minutes dressed in sweats and an Iron Maiden shirt. I bit my carrot again.

"Iron Maiden. Who knew" I said. He looked down at the shirt.

"This is old" he laughed. I could tell. It was tight fitting. But that definitely wasn't a bad thing.

"Thats okay" I bit my carrot. He took it from my hands "Hey, that's my dinner dick" He bit it himself. I went to reach for it but he pulled it away laughing. "Peter" I grabbed it as his arm was still high in the air. He pecked my lips then released the carrot. "Fuck you" I laughed. "No wait scratch that I'm still tired from earlier" he didn't respond. He was staring at his phone emotionlessly. "Hey, pay attention to me" I laughed. He didn't respond again. "Peter" I said. Again, silence. "What's wrong?" I asked. He clicked his phone off and looked over at me.

"Nothing" he said "I have to go"

"What? But you're spending the night-"

"I have to go!" he yelled. I jumped. He stared at me.

"Fine, then go" I said glaring.

"Shit, sorry. Patrick-"

"Go" I said. He sighed opening my door.

"I love you" he mumbled. He closed it before I could say anything.

"Why don't you ever talk to me!" I yelled. "Just fucking talk to me!" He probably couldn't hear me. I ran to my door and opened it. He was halfway down the stairs. "Coward!" I yelled. He froze. He looked up at me. "Talk to me. For once. Somethings not right. So fucking talk to me" He shook his head and continued to walk. "Stop running!" I yelled.

"Stop it!" he yelled "Just stop! You have no idea!"

"Then tell me! Let me get an idea!" I begged. "What is wrong?" He kept walking. The building door slammed shut. I collapsed to the ground. A familiar tuft of black hair looked up at me. He frowned. I sighed closing my eyes. "Bren-"

"No, I heard. Trust me" He said. He helped me off the ground. I laid my forehead on his shoulder.

"I'm lost" I sighed.

"Come on, you need a break. Ryan and I wanted to invite you to the movies with us" I nodded. Time with my best friends sounded really good.
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I ended up sleeping at their house since I had weekends off and my apartment was just too empty. I woke up around four with a nightmare. I looked next to me. Brendon was sleeping soundly. I shook him a little. He groaned opening his eyes.

"Brendon" I whispered.

"What?" he asked groggily.

"Why're you in here? You're not sleeping next to Ryan?"

"I came to check on you. I guess I passed out"

"Also, I'm right here" Ryans voice piped up from next to Brendon "I don't like sleeping without Brendon. We both looked at him. "Hi" We all looked at each other and shrugged. We laid back down and fell back asleep.
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"If I go over there it's gonna be world war three" I said to Brendon while making a sandwich at my kitchen counter.

"You can't just ignore the issue"

"The issue is him and if he can't see that then it'll never get resolved. I don't get why it always has to be me that fixes every damn thing. What if I don't wanna be a fixer for once Brendon? What if I just want him to do it. Or someone else to do it. I'm tired" He frowned. I slid him half the sandwich. Someone knocked on my door. He picked up the sandwich half and got up muttering something about how his boyfriend was ten minutes late. I pulled out my journal and wrote some poetry to calm myself down a little bit.

"Hello boyfriend that is not mine. Patrick it's for you!" Brendon yelled.

"Oh jeez" I groaned to myself. The two walked into the kitchen. Pete met my eyes. Brendon sat back down. "Bren" I said. He looked at me. I motioned to my bedroom so he'd take a hint and leave.

"Oh, yeah gotcha. If Ryan comes-"

"I'll send him in" I mumbled. He squeezed my shoulder.

"Hey Wentz, I do know how to punch. Just saying" he smiled.

"Go" I sighed. He locked himself in my bedroom "And no listening against the door!" I yelled.

"You know me too well!" he yelled back. I looked up at Pete then back down at the paper I was scribbling words onto.

"Yes?" I snapped.

"I'm sorry" he said.

"Mhm" I mumbled. He sighed.

"Patrick, I really am sorry"

"I believe you. But what're you sorry for?" I still hadn't looked at him.

"Yelling at you for no reason and not talking to you when I should have. I'm sorry. You know I'm not used to this Patrick. I don't know where the lines are and if I crossed them or not" I didn't respond. I just kept writing. "Patrick" he said. He snatched the journal from me. A pen mark scraped across the page.

"Give it back Peter!" I yelled. He stared at the page scanning it. It wasn't bad, it was just sad. It was poetry.

Lost.
Falling into a bottomless pit.
I reach for you and you're not there.
The words filling your mouth.
Are they lies?
Your love?
Us?
Gone.

He stared at me with anger in his eyes.

"This is about me" he said. I closed my mouth. "It's not a lie!" he threw my journal down "You don't trust me"

"I do trust you!" I yelled. "I love you!"

"Then what is that!?" He pointed to my journal.

"It's not about you, it's about a dream I had about you. Where you lied to me about loving me" He stared me down
"I trust you!"

"I love you" He said "I love you okay? You know I've never ever fucking said that to anyone else. Not even my parents. You know it. How can you even think I'd be lying?"

"I don't!" He grabbed my shoulders and pushed his mouth against mine. I held on tight. If I let go he could leave. If he leaves I'll fall apart. He broke the kiss "Don't leave" I whispered.

"I'm not" He said. I nuzzled my head into his neck "I love you"

"I know you do. I'm sorry" I said "I love you too"

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