Slipping Through My Fingers~ Beau Brooks

Chapter 14

Chapter 14
BEAU

I left Zoe's room and decided it would be better for me to spend the night away from the hospital to get my mind off of things.

It was raining pretty hard when I stepped outside the hospital entrance, I ran to my car and quickly jumped inside. I placed my hands on the wheel hoping that I could just drive away, but I couldn't. I felt like I couldn't move atall, my hands and feet and brain refused to function.

After ten minutes of just sitting there I decided that I should just walk, there was no way my brain was going to let me drive. I opened the car doors and stepped outside. I pulled up my jacket hood and began to walk in the heavy rain.

As I was walking I started to think about everything;
Zoe, Daniel, Emma, Janoskians, youtube, my mum, Luke and even life it's self.
I was terrified for what the future was going to hold for me.

Youtube had been a big part of my life for these three years, it had shaped my life, and turned it inside out.

If I hadn't joined youtube, I would never have been as close as I am to Daniel or James.
I would have never met Zoe and her friends
(Zoe and her friends are Janoskianators and we met in a meet and greet and we all just swapped numbers and talked a lot)

I couldn't help but think, my whole life was based on videos. If I didn't make them with the boys, what would my purpose be?
If I had never started youtube where would I be right now?
Who would my friends be?

I didn't know what was happening but I started to become scared from the thoughts in my head.

Who was I?
Was I just another kid that talked to a camera?
Was I just another kid that did pranks for a living?
Was I just a character on a computer screen?
Who the hell am I?!

I felt myself stop in the middle of the path. I didnt have the answer to any of them questions. At that moment, I felt completely worthless. Without youtube or Zoe I would be nothing. I'd be worthless. I would be just another person.

The walls started to feel as they were closing in on me. My eyes started to search for something or someone. I looked across the road and saw that I was near Daniels house. I needed to talk to Daniel.

I ran as fast as I could to the familiar building. I knocked on the front door gently and Daniels girlfriend Jesse opened the door.

"Beau?" She asked politely

"I need to speak to Daniel, it's kinda urgent" I said.

"Um..okay. Come in" she smiled

I walked inside and saw Skip sitting on a sofa scrolling through his twitter. He looked up at me. Surprised that I had come unannounced.

"Beau?" He asked

I was trying to speak and words didn't come out of my mouth. I finally managed to make the words string together.

"It's cancer, and it's starting to spread" I said, dropping my head.
I felt my legs turn to mush, my eyes started to sting, I knew I was going to breakdown again.

"Beau, I'm so sorry" he said patting my back.

"She's lucky if she lives for a year" I managed to tell him before breaking down into streams of tears.
"She told me to stay strong, but I can't. I just can't Daniel!" I cried

I felt the salty tears streaming down my face, my lip began to quiver. My eyes started to sting even more.

"I know mate, I know" Skip said pulling me in for a nice long man-hug.

********************************

Turns out that I stayed the night at Daniels. I woke up on the sofa and Jesse made me some coffee. She have me a hug before I left and told me to stay safe. I had a feeling Daniel told her about everything that had been going on in my life in the last few months!
I told Daniel id talk to him soon and I thanked him for letting me stay last night.

I managed to keep calm and tell myself that everything was gonna be alright and I made my way back to the hospital. I needed to see Zoe.

I walked into her room and I was greeted by the sight of Chris, and Zoe's Parents. All of them stared at me as I went inside. I shrugged my shoulders and walked in with my head held high.

"Are you alright Beau?" She smiled

"Great! I stayed the night at Daniels and told him the news" I lied.

I sat down in the seats beside her bed, sitting next to Chris.

Chris looked angry.
"Why didn't you call us?" He asked through gritted teeth.

"It was a lot to take in, I-" I started and was interuppted.

"Were her family Beau! You should have told us! Your just her boyfriend, your not going to be together forever. Family is the most important" he said, his face going red. He was getting angry.

"Christopher! Stop that. That rude behaviour isn't good for Zoe!" Their mother said.

"Chris, I'm sorry. I'd only just found out. My head was in bits" I replied lowering my head in shame.

"Imagine how she feels Beau? If the hospital didn't phone Dad, we still wouldn't have known she had cancer!" He started

The room fell silent. I stayed looking down to the floor, fidgeting with my fingers. I was feeling nothing but guilt.

"I think we should leave" Zoe's Dad said and stood up to leave the room.

As he was about to leave he kissed Zoe's forehead. Her mother followed and left the room.
Chris kissed her cheek and walked up to me he whispered

"I hate you"

And walked out. Nobody had ever directly said that to me before in my whole life. Nobody that I knew had said that.

The door slammed shut and I turned back to Zoe. Her fists were clenched and tears were streaming down her face.

"I think you need to leave" she said.

"Zoe...I've only just gotten here" I said.

"And I just told you to leave. I need to be alone so I can think" she replied.

"Think about what?" I asked

"Beau, I'm tired. Just come back later" she replied.

"No Zoe. I'm staying here" I replied. I wasn't going to move.

"They'll kick you out" she said.

"I don't care!" I snapped at her.
"I'm not leaving Zoe. I'm not leaving you alone. You said that I had to be strong. And this is me being strong" I replied.

Zoe sighed
"Okay stay." She said and shut her eyes and fell asleep.

I took her hand and held it softly. I saw the sides of her mouth turn into a little smile. Even though she was pale and thin and sick, she still managed to look Beautiful.

I never realised how much I loved her, until that very moment. She was my everything and I never wanted to let her go.
She was too precious for me to lose.