Slipping Through My Fingers~ Beau Brooks

Chapter 23- Ending #1

(Ending #1)

BEAU

Her funeral was short. Only the people that meant most to her were there. I saw old friends of hers, who had the cheek to say they missed her, when they didn't even bother visiting her when she was ill.

They decided to play Fix You by Coldplay as her funeral song. A song had never been more relevant to me in a moment before.

Her parents decided that they wanted her body to be buried not cremated. They didn't ask me where her favourite place was. Or anything that she wanted at her funeral. It was just like Chris said; I was her boyfriend, I didn't matter.

Nothing I did would ever matter.

All I could do is watch and listen to people's endless speeches about how much they loved her, repeating the same combination of twenty six letters, one word after another. What I had to say wasn't important.

I wasn't important.

Strangely I didn't cry at the funeral. Sorcha and Emma were heartbroken. So were Luke, James, Daniel and Zoe's parents.

Even Chris had become a mess. I didn't know how I was feeling. I just felt numb. I cried so many tears over the last week I had just ran out of them.

Nobody had spoke to me or asked me how I was feeling. I felt alone.

Again.

There was a get together at her parents house after the funeral. But I couldn't go I didn't want to be alone again. I felt like I was starting to fade into the background.

I managed to get into my car and drive back to the apartment. As I was inside the apartment I just broke down. Seeing all her belongings and her pictures, has the ability to flood back so many memories. I was really alone now.

This wasn't the life I wanted to live anymore.

I didn't want to live anymore with out her.

I wish that it had been me who had the cancer. I was the one who wanted to die in the first place. She saved my life, and I couldn't save hers. Even if I really wanted to.

I couldn't do this anymore.

I whipped out my iPhone and looked at the never ending amount of people socialising on Youtube, Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr. Nobody cared about me.

I opened the door to our bedroom and dropped onto the bed. Her scent was still there; her sweet perfume smelled heavenly. I grabbed onto the duvet, wishing by some miracle she would come back.

I'd stopped believing in miracles a long time ago. I think Zoe did too.

My phone suddenly buzzed in my pocket. Daniel was calling me. I didn't want to answer it, so I just left it to call. He'd be better off without me anyway.

Everybody would.

I rose from the bed feeling myself become more and more unstable every second. I really had hit rock bottom again.

I couldn't go through that again.

My mind started to become tangled in thoughts, I was having an extencicial crisis.

I struggled to the bathroom and caught a look at myself. My hair was ruffled, my skin was pale.

I opened the bathroom cabinet and pulled out something sharp.

Razors.

I then walked out to the kitchen with tears falling and opened one of the cupboards, I pulled out some Vodka.

My hands shook as I wrote on a piece of paper.

"all good things, come to an end."

I swallowed the vodka shot after shot, after shot. Until everything was becoming so drowsy, I couldn't see. I grabbed the razor. And pressed it hard into my wrist. I was too drunk to feel any pain, so I managed to cut deeper and deeper into my skin.

I could feel the blood pour down my wrist, onto our floor. I just sat there, accepting my fate. I was practically dead now, I was going to be with Zoe. In the back of my mind I was telling myself that I would regret this, but that didn't matter.

I didn't matter.

I started to pray that nobody would find me. Nobody would though, I was just another dead person, I was hopeless.

I then prayed and hoped that Zoe, Daniel, Janoskians and my family would understand this. I needed to be free. I needed to do what I wanted.

Maybe this wasn't the best way to start, but it seemed good.

I was becoming lifeless, this wasn't going to be the end.

Was it?

*****************

DANIELS POV

I found Beau..lying there, half dead. Blood was trickling from his skin and hitting the hard floor. A small smile was on his face.

"What the hell Beau?" I asked

"Leave.

Me.

To.

Die." He said almost breathlessly,

"No. I'm calling an ambulance." I said.

"Please....don't."

I felt tears slowly rush down my face.

"You think this is going to make everything better..do you?" I asked

"I'm. Not. Needed. Here" he whispered.

"You are. I need you." I said. I was desperate for him to change his mind so I could call an ambulance.

"No you don't...nobody does" he whispered again.

I started to dial 911 with my hands shaking. Beau managed to hit the phone out of my hands.

"Listen to me"

"No Beau. I'm not letting you die. I can't" I said.

"Let. Me. Go."

"I can't beau, your my bestfriend. Imagine how Zoe would feel if you did this. She had to die, you don't. this isn't your fate." I said.

Once the ambulance was called I sat down beside my half-deceased bestfriend. I knew I couldn't let him go. He had so much more to see. So much more to do. We were at the tip of our carrier, if he died we all couldn't bring ourself to continue the channel without him. It wouldn't be fair. What Beau was doing was not fair.

After three minutes of pure silence and thinking. I saw a beaming light shine through the square window in the black door.

I rushed to the door and opened it for the paramedics. Just as they ran inside the apartment. I saw Beau's eyes slowly blink until they shut. He stayed lying on the floor, moveless. Without a pulse.

He was dead. That was the last time I saw my bestfriend. I was eventually going to meet him and Zoe in Heaven, where they would be stronger than ever. But for now, I lost him. And I lost him for good. So did everyone.