Rain or Shine (UnWilling Roommates book 2.5)

Wordplay & Mockery

(A/N: I proudly present this request from MewMew190! We got into a conversation about wordplay, and, well... The above happened.)

"Okay... that was awesome."  You sank onto the couch opposite Bill, pulling off your wig and tossing it on the floor next to your plastic sword.  "Hands down, best Halloween I've ever had."

"This town really knows how to party it up," Bill agreed, tugging off his clipped-on braid.  "Of course, nothing in this puny mortal world compares to the parties in the Nightmare Realm.  Over there, it should be called Hell-oween."

You groaned loudly, leaning away from Bill and burying your face in a pillow.  "Why do you do that," you muttered, your voice muffled by the pillow.  "I hate your stupid puns."

"He's always been like this."  Will walked into the living room, wiping off his face paint with a washcloth.  "It gets old fast."

"Excuse you," Bill said indignantly.  "My puns are like art."

"More like fart," you snickered.  Bill snatched your plastic sword and whacked you in the head with it.

"That didn't count," he snapped.  "That wasn't even in the same league as my exquisite wordsmithing."

"Wordsmithing?  You're way too full of yourself."

"And you're way too full of candy," he retorted.  "I still can't believe you ate the entire bag on the way home.  Ten bucks says you throw up tonight."

You sighed, rolling over so you were relaxing instead of sulking.  "And it'll be worth it."

Will moved your wig out of the way to sit on the floor next to you.  You flopped one hand onto his head and started smoothing his hair.

"You'd be smart to back off with the wisecracks, Bill," you warned.  "You have no idea how many triangle and Dorito-related puns I've been holding back."

Bill turned to you sharply, his golden eyes flashing dangerously.  "Oh, my dear, you can't pretend to be in my league.  If you think you're capable of crossing blades with me in verbal repartee," he threw the plastic sword at you, "en garde."

You pointed the sword at him.  "I accept your challenge.  Name your terms."

"We take turns creatively mocking the other," he began making up the rules on the spot.  "Will is the referee.  The game is over when one of us is emotionally dead."

"Agreed.  Now we duel!"  You waved the sword in the air.

"W-wait, I didn't agree to this!" Will interjected, but it was too late.

"Ladies first," Bill offered.  You nodded solemnly.

"I'll start with an easy one.  Bill, you look like a nacho," you declared.

"That's nacho business," he retorted. 

You groaned.  "That was weak.  What if I'd called you a slice of pizza or pie?"

"Is that all you got?" he challenged.  "Making fun of a shape I don't even have anymore?"

"I could make fun of your old eye patch too, cyclops."

He smirked.  "So you're saying you can't think of anything to mock about my current appearance?  I know I'm quite dapper, but I thought you were better than that."

"First of all, you mispronounced Dipper, and second, you don't look anything like him."

"Low blow!" Will cut in.  "Y/N gets a penalty!"