Rain or Shine (UnWilling Roommates book 2.5)

Bill's Worst Day Ever

Bill comes home with a black eye.  Will and Y/N try to guess why.

(Bill's POV)

I slammed the front door behind me, sighing heavily as I leaned against it.  I squeezed my eyes shut and sucked in a slow, deep breath, hoping against hope for a few short seconds to compose myself.

Sure enough, I heard a high-pitched shriek.  Without opening my eyes, I couldn't tell if it was Will or Y/N.  

"Holy crap, what happened to you?" Within half a second, they were both invading my personal space, talking over each other without giving me a chance to respond.

"It's nothing.  I'm fine."  I elbowed past them into the living room, drooping onto the couch with another sigh.  My body language clearly stated "leave me alone," but Will sat uncomfortably close to me anyway, hovering with a concerned look on his face.  Y/N dashed out of the room and returned a moment later with an ice pack to lay across my face.  I grunted a thanks, but didn't say anything else as Y/N sat on the floor next to my head.

"Seriously, what happened?" Y/N pressed, eyeing my disheveled state.  "You're a wreck!"

"Wouldn't you like to know," I grumbled.

"Well, if you won't tell us, we'll have to guess," Y/N huffed.  "Let's see..."

Bill was walking innocently down the street, when suddenly a gang of ninjas surrounded him.  He fought them off valiantly, but they overpowered him and knocked him out.  When he woke up, he was in a helicopter above the ocean, heading to an unknown destination.  Taking the pilot by surprise, he sabotaged the controls and recklessly jumped out of the helicopter, landing in the ocean as the helicopter exploded above him.  As broken bits of metal rained around him, he realized there were sharks swimming around him with no land in sight.  Lesser men would have given up and drowned, but Bill formed a makeshift harness out of his bow tie, subdued a shark, and rode it to freedom!  As soon as he reached land, a giant robot-

"Y/N!" Will interrupted.

"Yes?"

"This is getting more ridiculous by the second.  It's my turn to make up a story."

Bill Cipher, the friend we thought we knew so well, is actually a super spy!  He's been in deep cover for years.  Today, he finally got a call on his secret bow tie phone.

"Agent Cipher," the voice crackled.  "We have a mission for you."

"I'm on my way," he said, dramatically putting on sunglasses.

Bill jumped into his spy car, which was like the Batmobile but yellow, and took off.  

He infiltrated the villain's secret lair with ease, since it was about as well guarded as lairs usually are in the movies.  The damsel in distress was waiting for him, but she turned out to be the villain all along!

"Oh no!" Bill cried.  "My only weakness- clichés!"

He was left guarded by alligators waiting for a giant, complicated machine to slowly kill him.  Fortunately, the hot villainess underestimated his skills.  Using a paper clip and a shoelace, he escaped the trap, fought off the alligators, and made out with the hot villainess before pushing her off a cliff and driving off into the sunset.

"But how'd he get the black eye?" Y/N asked.

"I was getting to that," Will snapped.  "One of the alligators hid in the trunk of his car and he kept it as a pet."

"You still didn't tell us how he got the black eye," Y/N pointed out.

"You're going to have a black eye in a second," Will threatened.

"I'd like to see you try!" she challenged.  "Put up your dukes, Cool Ranch!"

At that point, Will's bravado dried up and he started to cry.  Y/N immediately apologized, rushing to hug him and reassure him repeatedly that she wasn't going to hit him.

I was enjoying the attention, but my head was hurting.  "You guys aren't even close to the truth," I groaned.  "I'll tell you what really happened if you just stop bothering me."

Bill was minding his own business, searching through the forest for magical artifacts.  He innocently wandered into the gnomes' territory, which the warlike race of midgets did not take well.  They merged into a giant gnome monster and chased him through the forest until he managed to elude them.  Unfortunately, he was near the nest of gremloblins, who chased him up a tree.  Being fearless and quick-thinking, he whacked at them with a branch until they gave up and left.

Bill carefully climbed down the tree, only to find himself lost in the forest.  A friendly unicorn promised to lead him back to town, only to cruelly push him straight into a ravine.  He tumbled down the slope, cursing at the top of his lungs, and ended up sprawled in a river.  Coughing and injured, but still dignified and heroic, Bill staggered to his feet and finally made his way home.

Will was staring at me, wide-eyed.  "Did all that really happen?"

I could see that he was prepared to accept every word as absolute truth.  I smiled smugly.  "Yes.  All of it really happened."

"If you landed in a river, how come your clothes are dry?" Y/N questioned.

"Because shut up, that's why," I snapped.

The doorbell rang.  Y/N stood up to answer it, leaving Will frowning.

"Who are you going to believe, me or her?" I asked.

"I b-believe you," he admitted.

I hid a Chesire grin.  I knew he would.  Lies were intrinsic to my nature.  I'd had millennia of experience weaving webs of words, leading gullible fools into unsavory deals.  If I wanted someone to believe something, success was practically a foregone conclusion.

Y/N came back into the room, trying a little too hard to keep a straight face.  "Hey Bill, guess who just stopped by?"

"Who?"

"Zwei."

"I... see."

Busted.

Y/N was giggling now.  "He told me an... interesting story."

Oh, crap.

"He says he witnessed a certain someone trip over a garbage can and punch himself in the face on the way down," Y/N managed to say before snorting and covering her mouth.

Will's face lit up.  "Really?" he asked excitedly.

"He's always hated me," I groaned.  "Just because I set him and his brothers on fire that one time."

"Are you saying he lied?" Y/N prodded.

"I'm saying he hates me," I snapped.

"Does that mean it's not true?" Will asked.

"I'm saying shut up."

Will and Y/N both burst out laughing.  "I can't believe you had me going for so long!" Will guffawed.

"I'm the best liar you'll ever meet, and don't you forget it.  Now leave me alone, I have a headache."  Annoyed, I pushed them both out of the way and stormed out of the room, turning my back on their howls of laughter.

(A/N: The song isn't really related to the chapter, I just adore Danganronpa. :3

I've got so many plans and ideas, BUT they're all a little bit tangled up right now.  It'll take me a while to sort out my priorities, and I'm leaving on Friday for Thanksgiving vacation.  I'm storyboarding the next book as well as working on a side book (also GF but it's not related to any of my previous work), so you'll get new chapters as well as info on my future books as quickly as I can work them out!)

FMMI, JGLC YLB QGLICP