Twists of Fate

Chapter 4

Emma's POV

Hi. I usually update this story on Thursdays, but because there is no Once tonight, I decided to post this chapter today. I hope you enjoy it.

The drive to New Jersey was quite long. But I'd do anything to save Ashley. I don't have much friends, so I can't really lose her. Even if I had more friends, I couldn't.

I could never live with myself, knowing someone died even though I could have done something to stop them from dying. It would feel like I killed someone and that's something I never wanna do again.

I once did. It was Cruella DeVil. I had to do it to protect Henry. I couldn't have known that the author took away her ability to kill.

Even though I always tell myself it was okay, that doesn't make me feel any better. But unluckily regretting cannot change the past. What happened, happened and can never be undone. I killed Cruella DeVil. She won't ever come back to life, which is good because she is a terrible person. She'd just create another crisis in Storybrooke and we don't need that. There are enough crises.

When there weren't any, it still would bother me. I'm actually sick of them. I'm always the person who has to fix things because I'm the Savior.

I'd rather live a normal life with Killian and Henry.

A life where I don't have to be the Savior. Where I'm just the Sheriff. Where I can take days off since David could always cover for me.

It would be a happier life.

I am also happy right now, but it isn't the same. For example Killian and I can't even go on a date without some new villain coming to town before we even had time to decide when to go out or where to go. We didn't had a proper date since our first one.

Also every time we have a quiet moment, Grumpy interrupts us, screaming about being attacked or something.

"Swan?" Killian said while taking my hand in his and intertwining them. He glanced at him through the rear view mirror. He seemed worried. "What are you thinking about? You seem stressed and kinda sad. Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine." I gave his hand a light squeeze, trying to tell him without words, that I mean it. Even though it's not true, but I don't wanna worry him.

"No. You're not." why does he need to be able to read me so easily. "You're an open book. Remember?"

"Its nothing."

"Whatever it is, love, you can tell me. If there's one person in the world you can trust, it's me. I won't tell anyone. And your friend is asleep."

I haven't even realized Ashley was sleeping peacefully in the backseat. I still don't wanna talk about me hating to be the Savior because I'm scared that when I do my walls go down completely. Then I would maybe tell him about my secret too and I can't do that. I can't let him know.

He would try to find a way to save me even though there is none. And then we would waste the little time we have left together.

Also I don't wanna see him hurt. It kills me. I noticed when we had to part in the underworld. When we said goodbye.

My heart was already broken because I knew I'd never see him again, but it got even worse when I looked into his eyes. They were full of pain. I hated to have to see him break just as much as I hated having to leave the underworld without him.

I haven't even realized that I was crying until Killians hand left mine to wipe my tears away. I looked at him and there was even more worry and also pain in his eyes.

"Whats it, Swan? And don't tell me, you're fine. You're obviously not."

I took a deep breath.

"I just thought of something. But it's okay. Its in the past."

"Please tell me...I hate to see you upset. Let me know what it is, so that I can make it better."

"I told you it's in the past. It's a problem that is already fixed."

"Then there's no problem in telling me."

"I just...thought of..." I took a deep breath. I don't wanna speak it out. It hurts a lot to talk about everything between me becoming the Dark One and Killian coming back to life.

"That day, when I had to leave the underworld and you couldn't join me because we didn't find a way for save you in time." More tears we're streaming down my face and now Killian looked sad too, replaying the memories in his mind probably.

He took a deep breath and turned to me.

"It's okay, Swan." it sounded like he was trying to convince himself of that. "All that matters is the present and in that we are both alive. We have each other. And I wont let anything change that. I won't lose you and you won't lose me. I promise."

That felt like a dagger in my heart because I know, that he will lose me,...soon.