Twists of Fate

Chapter 18

Sorry for the late update. I usually update on Thursdays, but I forgot since it was my birthday.

Allison's POV

"I'm going to tell Chase. Can you send him up here?"

"Sure," Emma said before disappearing downstairs.

A few minutes later Chase came into my room. He stood awkwardly in the doorway.

"Emma said, that you wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah. Come in."

He closed the door behind him and sat next to me on the bed.

"What did you want to talk about?"

I took a deep breath and sighed. Now or never.

"There's something you should know..."

I put my head on my hands and breathed deeply. In and out. In and out. This was just as hard as I thought it would be. Probably the reason why I never intended to tell him. I feel like the world is closing around me. I suddenly got really anxious and scared. My heart began pounding faster and faster and I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. I began sweating and shaking.

That all stopped as soon as Chase wrapped his arms around me. It made me feel safe and I instantly buried my head into his chest, hugging him back tightly.

"Is everything alright? You just had a panic attack."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Whatever this is, you wanna tell me...it can't be good. Maybe you should wait with it. I don't want you to have another panic attack. It could cause a stroke or seizures."

"I know. I'm a doctor, too. But I think I have to tell you. I've been keeping this for myself for far too long. And I'm sorry for that. Please, forgive me."

"Hey, it's going to be okay. Whatever this is, I won't be mad at you. I think I gave up that right when I signed the stupid papers."

So Emma was right. He does regret letting me go.

"You remember the last time we saw each other?"

"Yeah. Of course. It was during the Lockdown. We were trapped inside an examination room. I signed the divorce papers and after that, we talked, danced, had sex. I never wanted to let you go, but I did. It took your sister screaming at me for me to realize that."

"Well...a few months later I figured out, that I was pregnant and I never brought myself to tell you. I was too scared. I'm sorry. Melanie is your daughter and I know I should've told you, but I didn't and I'm sorry about that. I just realized today how wrong it was..."

He put a finger on my lips to stop me from talking further.

He didn't look angry, but he looked surprised and not in a good way.

"I understand why you didn't tell me."

"You do?"

"Yeah. You were still mad at me for killing Dibala. You didn't want our baby to grow up around a murderer."

"It's not that. I was just...I didn't know how to tell you."

"It is that way. You just don't wanna admit it to yourself. But you can. It's alright. I would've done the exact same thing. "

He sighed and wiped away the tears, that were still on my face because of the panic attack.

"You wouldn't have told yourself if you were me? Why?"

Then I obviously didn't make a mistake. Or we both made a mistake. And the mistake isn't Melanie. I would never regret having her. She's the best thing that ever happened to me.

"I wouldn't have told myself because you were right. It was wrong of me to kill Dibala. He may be evil, but it wasn't worth it to kill him. I lost you because of that. I never intended to do it, but I couldn't help myself. When he judged you because you told his employee, that his brain isn't functioning well, I got so mad at him and then he told me, that he was going to kill the population of that country. I didn't think further. I just killed him."

"That all proves, why it's okay, that you didn't tell me. I didn't even deserve you, so I also don't deserve our daughter. You two deserve better than that."

Tears were streaming down my face again. I pitied him. He believes, that he is a bad person.

"I was wrong too."

He looked at me questioning.

"You aren't like House. House does terrible things and he never cares about it. You do. You regret what you did. You can admit to yourself and to other people, that you were wrong. You aren't toxic like he is. He didn't change you. Of course, you changed, but that doesn't matter. Change is normal. You're still you, though. The person I fell in love with."

"But you said, that you never loved me."

I chuckled while still crying. It felt weird to do both at the same time.

"And you believed me?"

"Kinda. I probably wanted to believe it. To punish myself for killing someone. For lying to you."

"I still don't know why I said it. I did love you. I still do."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

I looked down, avoiding his gaze. Otherwise, I could end up doing something stupid. I can't trust myself around Chase. I let my guard down when I'm with him and then I always end up doing things, that I shouldn't have done.

It didn't matter, that I looked down, though. Chase lifted my head up by putting his hand on my chin. He smiled at me with that goofy smile, that I missed so much.

"I love you too."

I probably also smiled a goofy smile right now. I know I shouldn't. I shouldn't encourage this...us. It ended badly before. It would do the same again and I don't wanna do that to Melanie. Giving her hope and then taking it away would be cruel.

But I couldn't fight the urge to kiss him because of this stupid smile on his face, that I love so much, so I pulled him down to me and began kissing him passionately. Our lips were moving in sync and our tounges danced in a battle for dominance.

It was all like I've remembered it. And once we started, we couldn't stop since it's been far too long since our last kiss.

I never imagined that I could miss someone so much without even realizing it.