Down Under

just a rant

I hate that I don't know how to help people when they need it. That I can't help people when they're in an emotional state. I know that they're hurting but I don't do anything about it. It sucks. To have something like that that I have to get over. There's just so much emotional detachment. I want to help but I can't.
I was just somewhere and she came in and I could tell something was off. I asked what was wrong. She said that she had just gotten a call that one of her family members had just shot herself in the head. I froze. I knew what I should've done. What she needed me to do, but I didn't do it. She told me that you can smile and nobody will know that you're hurting or that anything is wrong. I agreed. She then said that it is a very necessary life skill. After that I bid her good night and  I just walked out. My job there was done, there was no need for me to be there anymore. So I walked out. I walked out on someone who needed me. Out of my peripherial vision, I saw her walk to her room. I knew what was going to happen. She was going to go in there and cry, maybe to physical years but in a way she would cry. Then when her husband got home, he would try to comfort her in a way any good husband would.
I can't believe I just walked out. I'm disappointed in myself, ashamed, and worried. Worried that I will forever be this way. Stuck in a drought of emotion. Ashamed in the actions that I took. And disappointed because despite everything I try to do, I will never be enough.
With this said, I would like to thank you. This may not be what you needed tonight, or maybe it was. I don't know.
And on this day I would also like to say, Happy Veteran's Day. For those who served our country, they are what keep us free. They are the ones who set the country in its place for our children and the ones to come. They are forever in our hearts.

Goodnight.