Down Under

#18

I sit here a think
Am I doing my best?
Am I being the best sister
Or am I becoming a monster?
The things that she says to me
The way she looks at me
Ita not the way it should be
She has closed off
Everything
No one can touch her
If they try
They might get pushed away by the negative energy
You can literally feel it coming off of her
I think I might be scared of my own little sister
I don't want to admit it but it might be true
The way I flinch away from her when she raises her arm
The way I hope to God that we won't get in a fight
The way I raise my voice
When I raise my voice to her
I hate it
When i get the feeling to hit her
Or slap her
I start to hate myself
I really don't want to do it
But she makes me want it
Its horrible
This is not what I'm supposed to want for her
All I want is for her to be happy
But how am I suppose to make that happen when I can't Even talk to her
I can see that she is broken
And I wonder
When did this happen
Did I miss something
Was I so consumed in my own treasures that I didn't notice that she had hers stolen?
What did I do wrong?
This is my fault.
I don't know how to help her and this
This feeling
Is leaving a hole in my heart
My phone responsibility as a big sister
And I can Even fulfill .000001% of it.