"they say it's like quiet
the quiet before a storm
the quiet at 4am
the quiet after a hot drink and a good movie.
or that it's like being tired
being tired after a long nap
being tired during a late dinner
being tired as you doze into sleep.
maybe they'll tell you it's pain
exhilarating pain during a new tattoo
memorable pain from your first broken bone
restless pain before the plot twist in a good book.
but it's nothing like that.
it is emptiness.
it is hollow.
it is fear.
it is impatience.
it is forgetfulness.
it is anger.
it is ugly.
it is horrified.
it is grotesque.
it is livid.
it is all-consuming.
it is crippling.
it is cold.
it is twisted.
it is real.
as real as the blood on this paper.
as real as the pen in my hand.
as real as the sheets wrapped around me.
or even the chair and the noose above.
it is real.
it is anxiety.
it is loud.
it is depression.
i will never escape this feeling.
it is hopeless.
i will never be able to explain it right.
it is undescribable.
i will never remember how to be happy.
it is destructive.
i will never be comfortable in my skin.
it is stressful.
i will never escape.
because depression has its iron hands on me.
i will never escape.
unless i put that chair to good use."
-c.e.
YOU ARE READING
secrets.
PoesíaI am not happy. I don't know if I've ever been, or if I ever will be. Plenty of shit has happened to me, but plenty of shit has happened to everyone so I shouldn't feel special. I just wish I didn't have a normal person's life. I wish I didn't have...
