my dreams tell me im changing.
i dream that my family
is dying and im the only one
alive. ironic.
i read it means im changing.
the person
who dies
is a personality trait
they represent
that is going away.
except, it's not just a recurring dream
of a person i love dying.
it's everyone i love.
i wake up crying
i wake up wishing i could
save them
save them
save them.
i can't though, because
they're not dying.
i am.
when everyone had died,
it was on to dreams of
mermaids.
mermaids, who represent
feminity
transformation
fear.
and i know it's fear
fear of sex as they do
and transformation
because i am changing
im changing
my depression
is getting worse, harder to
ignore.
my persona
who i am around people
who don't know
is getting better
im more outgoing
flirtatious (ironic)
friendly
inviting
warm
loving
hopeful
confident
and i can't help but think
this isn't me
yes it's my body and yes
this is who i want to be
but i dont want to
stop being her
whenever im alone.
i dont want to laugh
at a joke that he tells
me, my mind full of
razor blades and blood.
i want to be her all the
time. i can't even say she's me
she is someone else
someone happy and carefree
who doesn't plan her death
and how she'll go
eight years from now.
she is happy and untroubled and
i am
not
her
YOU ARE READING
secrets.
PoesíaI am not happy. I don't know if I've ever been, or if I ever will be. Plenty of shit has happened to me, but plenty of shit has happened to everyone so I shouldn't feel special. I just wish I didn't have a normal person's life. I wish I didn't have...
