secrets.

Thank You

We all have a sensitive subject.

For me, that's my mental health. When people ask me how I'm feeling, I shy away. Like so many of those who share my afflictions and who suffer in silence for hundreds of other reasons, we shy away.

We try not to answer and we change the subject and we ignore this problem, suppress, ignore, suppress. We're okay. We're okay. We're okay.

But what about those low moments when we're lying in bed and staring at the wall until 4 in the morning when we remember we have work, school, plans for the morning and we sleep for two hours and spend the next day miserable. What about those days where all we can think about is how, no, we're not okay and it feels like we'll never be okay again, if we ever were.

For years, I would ignore those moments, those feelings, those thoughts. Suppress, ignore, suppress, ignore. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.

And then I met her.

She had this look about her, these eyes that held a billion stories and words that held a billion miles and I could sit for hours and just pick her brain for everything she's been through.

She'd listen to me ramble and when I prodded at her sensitive subjects, she would smile that smile that you can only show when you've been to hell and back, and she would tell me her stories and she was proud of this battle she is still fighting. She was proud of how far she's come. She wasn't ashamed that she had to fight. She was proud that she did.

She taught me patience. She taught me kindness. She taught me acceptance.

She taught me to be good and proud and strong. She taught me to be the person I am today.

And now I realize I'm one of those people, too. I've been to hell and back. I've seen hell, and not only did I survive, but I'm thriving.

All I want to say to her now is thank you. Thank you for teaching me pride and resilience and stubbornness and kindness and patience. Thank you for everything. I'm sorry we're no longer together.