One Weekend Of Giving In

Chapter 27

I looked down on my phone and saw the 15 missed calls and 20 text messages from Spencer and Carly from this morning. Once I read through all of the text messages and listened to the voicemails, I let out a frustrated sigh and collapsed into the pillows. I forgot to tell Spencer that I wasn't going to San Francisco with Carly so when he couldn't get ahold of me he called Carly. Carly dramatized me being sick and alone and since I wasn't answering my phone all morning and afternoon, they thought something terrible happened and started freaking out. I sent them both a text letting them know I was fine and that my phone was dead as to why I wasn't answering and that I loved them both and would talk to them once I feel much better. I know lying to Spencer was stupid and selfish but I didn't know how I could ever explain everything to Spencer. My stomach fell when I read Spencer's response.

Spencer:

You scared the crap out of me babe. Carly and I were freaking out so I got an earlier flight so I could come home as soon as possible to take care of you. I should be boarding in a few hours. I'll let you know when I land. I love you Mac. See you soon.

I wasn't ready to face Spencer yet or have my time with Jace be over. I pulled the covers over my head and resisted the urge to cry. What was I going to do? My heart can't be with two men. It's just wrong. But I didn't want to hurt either of them. There was no right way to go about this. In the end, someone would end up getting hurt...

Jace didn't say anything after he came back with breakfast. We just sat there eating in silence.

"Baby, please say something." He pleaded as he rubbed soothing circles on my back.

"Spencer is heading home early."

He hissed a curse through his teeth and laid his back against the headboard "Wasn't he supposed to arrive tomorrow?"

"That was the plan until Carly told him I was sick and alone. He got scared and thought something terrible had happened...."

"Shit. Carly called me a few times and texted begging me to stop by to come and check on you. I guess they're both heading home."

"Jace, what am I going to do???" I looked at his face for answers but he looked so pained that I had to stare at my hands instead.

"I don't know baby. No one would." After a few minutes of more silence he continued hesitantly "which one of us do you want?"

"I don't know!" I blurted out "I want you Jace, but I can't hurt him even more than I have now. I love him too much."

He flinched away like I had just slapped him.

"No matter who I choose Jace, people will get hurt. And then what happens once I leave him? He's your friend and he lives in your house Jace. It would kill him whenever he sees us together. How am I supposed to tell him that I'm inlove with someone else?" I took deep breaths, in and out in an attempt to calm my shaking "if I leave him for you, it would be bad for us. The guys in the house would take sides. You and I would be miserable. My body craves for you Jace but I feel like I'm being torn in two. I just.... I need some time to think about this. Can you please give me that?"

His jaw was clenched tightly as I looked at him "Are you going to ask him to give you time too?"

"I can't."

Jace's eyes turned to ice and his mouth popped open "So you're going to go back to him? Pretend like this morning never happened? You're worried about hurting him but what about me Mac? Do you realize you're hurting me too?" He shot up off the bed and started pacing back and forth "dammit Mac, I'm the one who would be hurting. I have to watch you with him while waiting for you to figure out what you want!" He began walking towards the door and I flinched when he slammed it shut behind him. He was right, I would be hurting him but I didn't know what else to do at the moment. I was inlove with Jace but I couldn't live without Spencer in my life. I now felt I was dying thinking about how Id just betrayed the man I love more than my own life. I even overheard him talking to his mom and telling her he thought I was "the one" and I couldn't help but smile at the thoughts of our future together. There's no way Jace and I could have the same future I wanted with Spencer. If I were to choose Jace, would he continue to hurt me like he used to? Would he want to be with me for a long time? As much as I want things to happen between Jace and I, I was terrified he'd up and leave me for another girl. Spencer in the other hand would never do that and he never once treated me badly. That boy loved and adored me and would do anything for me. My mind was made up.... Spencer is who I would choose when this day ended. In my heart I knew he was always the one who I couldn't live without. But after what happened this morning, I'm afraid I'll never be able to give him my entire heart like he deserves.

I decided to finally get out of bed and hop in the shower. The hot steam of the shower couldn't even soothe me. My heart was still breaking just thinking about my life without Jace. I choked on a sob and my tears blended in with the water pouring on me. I pressed my hands to the wall of the shower to keep myself steady and continued to cry harder than ever. Jace's hands turned me around and clutched me to him as my body shook with sobs. I realized he still had his jeans on and was now completely soaked.

"What are you doing in here?" I asked

"You need me right now Mac" his voice was hoarse "this would probably be my last chance with you alone and I'm not going to waste another second of it."

He crushed his lips onto mine. It was difficult but we managed to get his jeans off before he pressed me into the wall and positioned himself with my legs wrapped around him. I knew I was adding more hurt to my relationship with Spencer, but I needed this last time with Jace. He slowly made love to me as the water continued to pour over us. He knew this was our last time to be together. The mixture of love, passion, pain and sadness made for the most beautiful experience of my life. Neither of us spoke after as we helped each other wash our bodies and dried off and get dressed. He drove me to his house so I could pick up Spencer's car and we just sat there, in his car just holding hands, his thumb making soft circles against my palm. I glanced at the clock once we arrived and pulled the keys out of my purse with a sigh. I grabbed the door handle but his voice stopped me.

"Mackenzie" he spoke around the lump in his throat, "I will love you for the rest of my life."

I kept my eyes on the handle because once I turn to look at him, I will be in tears within seconds.

"You will always be in my heart Jace." I got out and walked away without looking back.