Chapter 38

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Don't ask how I did it, but I managed to only see Jace five times over the next 4 weeks. I still haven't had the talk with him since I avoided him most of the time. Mom and dad were starting to get worried that he was going to find out and bolt since my clothes were getting tighter and tighter by the week. But Carly was flat out pissed that I haven't told Jace yet.

"Mackenzie, he hasn't been with another girl since September. Why the hell are you worried he is going to leave you? You guys aren't even together and yet he's so committed to you!"

"I know, I know. But it's not that easy to be with him Carls. I can't do that to Spencer yet."

"Spencer already knows!" She reasoned.

"I know but think of it this way, Imagine you getting pregnant with someone other than Cory. Even if you told him, would you be compatible dating the other guy? Walking around the school holding hands with him in front of Cory?"

She didn't answer so I continued to speak

"I didn't think you would because you know it would be cruel to Cory. Even though you broke his heart, you would still love him."

"So you're still inlove with Spencer? Is that what you're pointing out? Well then tell Jace it's Spencer's baby and get back with Spencer. Easy peasy."

"What?! No! Carly that's sick. I could never do something like that to Spencer. It's like saying HEY! I know it's Jace's baby but you can be the father too. Let's call it a threesome!"

"Ew. Okay, okay I get your point. But Mac you have to give Jace a chance here. Just tell him but say you guys need to lie low in public."

"Do you hear yourself right now? I'm already hurting Jace by blowing him off. That's a terrible idea Carls. It would be like he was my dirty little secret that I didn't want anyone else to know. It's already hard enough trying not to run into his arms and tell him everything, and you expect me to tell him I'm pregnant with his baby but tell him that we need to still stay away from each other? It's fine if I'm miserable but I can't do that to him too."

"Well sorry! I didn't think about it like that. Either way, you're going to figure something out."

I sighed and fell onto the bed "I know Carls. Trust me there's nothing you can say that I haven't already thought of. After that ultrasound, all I can think about is tell Jace. It's like my whole vision changed and I'm finally ready to take that chance with him. But I have to wait a little longer. I owe it to Spencer to give him some time to get over his pain, and I owe it to Jace to be able to fully be in a relationship with him once he knows."

She laid down next to me and held onto my hand "But when would that be? When you finally have a beach ball under your shirt?"

"No. I wouldn't let Jace find out that way. That wouldn't be fair to him either. And I get what you're trying to say. I'm starting to show a little so i know it has to be soon." I wasn't showing much yet, it just looked like I ate a massive meal, but it was looking more like an awkward bump with each passing day, and I bet people would soon be talking.

"It hurts so see you guys apart but I understand what you're saying sweetie." We both quickly sat up and saw mom standing in the doorway, I guess she'd heard some of the conversation.

"He's my son, so I obviously think about his happiness before Spencer's, so naturally I only think about how this is hurting him. What you're saying is a very mature thing to say for your age but I'll be happy when all of this is behind you two and you can finally live your lives together."

I hated that I was still hurting people. It was apparent Katherine was hurting for Jace, he still wasn't coming around much, I'd messed up more than I thought.

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