One Weekend Of Giving In

Chapter 47

For those of you asking who the characters represent here they are.

Randy Wayne- Jace

Evan Ross- Spencer

Megan Fox- Mackenzie

Ashley Benson- Carly

Audrina Partridge- Kendall

I watched Spencer's patient expression for a few minutes to make sure I wasn't going to break down in the restaurant.

"I'm angry. Not just for myself, but for the baby. It's one thing to leave me, it's another to leave him. Even if he were to say he still wanted to be in his life somehow once he was born, Id always worry that he'd just hurt him in the end too. I want this baby to have two parents that love each other and love him as much. You understand that more than anyone."

Spencer didnt say anything, he just simply nodded and I went on.

"I'm upset that he did this, but I dont know why I am. I should have expected this. I knew from the beginning that Jace wasn't the kind of guy that would be in a relationship, and then after that stupid weekend with him, I kept pushing him back because I knew one day he would leave me. From the first day I met him, we'd push each other away and he would end up ignoring me for long periods of time and it would always kill me. Carls and Katherine said it was because I was with you and he couldn't stand to see us together. But I didn't know that until you and I had broken up, and even then I wasn't sure I believed it."

I knew I shouldn't say this next part, but it was like I couldn't stop talking now that I'd started, I had wanted to talk to Spencer about everything, and apparently I was going to do it now.

"I regretted that weekend with him. I couldn't believe I'd done that to you. I was so in love with you and I screwed it up." I choked up a bit and had to clear my throat and take a calming breath to continue, "and for some stupid reason I was in love with him too. I always had been apparently and I hated it. I wanted him out of my mind, out of my heart and out of my life. All I ever wanted was you. But I messed up, I gave in and took that chance with him even though I knew it would eventually hurt both you and me. When you came back from Miami, I promised I would never do anything against you again, that I would love you and try to be worthy of your love too. Unfortunately, due to my actions, I couldn't stop thinking about him. It would drive me crazy, thinking about you and our future, thinking about how much I couldn't stand Jace and then of course how much i loved him despite my hate for him. I would always convince myself that I could probably work things out with Jace but I knew what I wanted, and it was to have a life with you."

Spencer was still silent, but his eyes were shining with unshed tears he was trying to hold back.

"But then I found out I was pregnant, and I knew it was my punishment for what I'd done to you. It was like the whole world didn't want me to get away with what I'd done to you without paying for them. I had to tell you the moment I found out, I already hated keeping that weekend from you, my conscious wouldn't be able to keep this from you too. You deserved to know before he did, you deserved to hear it from me rather than seeing the evidence and putting the pieces together. And you deserved to have some time to move on with your life before I told Jace and you had to see us together."

"The time didn't make a difference Mac." He paused for a second before continuing "I have been wanting to ask you something. After hearing you just now, I'm confused than ever. But you don't have to answer it if you don't want to."

"I'll answer anything. I owe you that much."

He ran his hands over his face and curled one over the others fist, resting his forehead against them.

"I know that you love Jace, and when we were together you loved both of us, but you wouldn't take that next step with me. I was fine waiting as long as you needed, I thought you weren't ready and all of a sudden you're pregnant with Jace's baby? Why was it okay with him but not with me? And then after, you still weren't ready with me. You say you want a life with me but why weren't you ever ready with me? I just don't understand..."

Oh lord. This was going to hurt him.

"I was never ready but that day with Jace happened and it just instantly clicked. That was exactly why I had never been ready to take that next step with you." Spencer flinched and mashed his lips together "I'm sorry Spencer! If you don't want me to continue, I can stop. I was just trying to be completely honest with you."

"No, please Mac. Keep going. I need to know this." He watched me study his face, trying to figure out if I should continue. Taking a deep breath I thought back to where I had left off.

"Well um... After you came back, I couldn't bring myself to go there with you. I knew from heart that you were the one I wanted to be with, but I kept telling myself I couldn't do that to Jace. But a huge part of the reason I couldn't bring myself to have sex with you after I'd been with Jace, was because you were still under the impression that I was a virgin. That night of your big fight, I was finally ready. But you took the call and left in a bolt just for a fight. That's why I was so frustrated on the ride over, I'd finally decided I was ready and yet you chose a fight with a lot of money over me. But it didn't matter anymore, because I had gotten pregnant and I knew I had to tell you what happened, and I knew it would crush you."

"It did." He said softly.

"I wish you knew how sorry I am Spence."

"Why are you telling me all of this now Mackenzie? Is it because of what Jace did?"

My stomach twisted at the thought of him and Kendall "No, I've been wanting to have this talk with you for so long. But I didn't think you'd ever give me a chance even if I tried. And honestly, I think Jace has been making sure we don't see each other."

"I don't understand why that was necessary. You'd already left me for him, you guys are having a baby together." I shrugged. Spencer knew why, I just didn't want to say it out loud. "Have you been seeing anyone?"

"No" he snorted, shook his head and looked toward the other tables before back to me "I don't know if you ever realized but I was madly in love with you Mackenzie."

"I did know that." I said softly.

"I've never loved anyone that way, I know it was early in our relationship, but I knew I was going to marry you someday. I've dated plenty of girls, but none of them can ever be compared to you. That's not something you just move on from, no matter how badly I want to." He took a deep breath as his face fell and stayed silent for a while.. "I still can't see my life without you. I still love you Mackenzie, baby included."

Why did he have to say these things to me? If I didn't put an end to this conversation now, I'd be running into Spencer's arms in just a few seconds. I can't give in. I love Spencer. But I hurt him to be with Jace, and now Jace hurt me. I cant just go back to Spencer just because Jace stabbed me in the back.

"I love you too Spencer. I hope to someday marry someone as amazing as you are. You're going to make a lucky girl extremely happy Spence, and I'm sure I'm going to envy her because she got you." I smiled at him softly. "My reason for moving to California was to get away from my dad and to find out who I am. I met you just a few weeks after moving here and I instantly fell in love with you. I was afraid my feelings for you were so strong only because you were my first kiss, first boyfriend, first love... but we both know that wasn't it. What we had, was something rare. I screwed that up. But Spencer this is your time to find someone who will treat you better than I did. You need to move on Spence."

I got out of the booth and pulled my purse onto my shoulder. Spencer stood too and hesitantly brought me in for a long embrace. I tried to memorize the feel of his warm arms around me, his muscled chest moving against my head with every breath he took.

"In order to end this, I need to stop running away from everything and everyone. I think its time to head home. I need to talk to mom and dad, and confront jace."

Spencer's smile was sad when he let me go and led me out of the restaurant. The ride to moms was silent. It wasn't completely uncomfortable, we were both just too lost in our own thoughts to even try to have a conversation. After pulling into the drive and getting out of the car, Spencer scrounged around the back until he found my phone and handed it back to me. We were Still silent for the few moments we stood there glaring at jaces truck before heading toward the front door. Here goes nothing.