WAVES

nineteen + for freedom

Who would be a merman bold,
Sitting alone, singing alone
Under the sea, with a crown of gold,
On a throne?
~

Calum kept listening to Michael's voice record for days. After having every single line almost memorized in his head, he really can't believe that the merman left him. If Michael was moving around the room, he should've woken up the moment Michael moved in his side. If he woke up, then maybe Michael won't be able to leave him that day. Maybe he could've done something to delay his plans, or change his mind, but no, he remained asleep like a fucking rock. It makes him want to pull his hair out so much.

It's his fault that this happened.

But whining won't do him any good, and staying in the house where Michael's scent and presence still linger isn't a good decision either, so he took a few minutes to gather himself and get rid of those haunting thoughts of the blonde. He went to the comfort room and kind of expected what he saw; his reflection looking like an absolute mess. He tried to fix the curls atop of his head but it just won't turn out the way he wants it to. He doesn't have the energy to become mad or to feel any emotion for that matter so he just stopped trying, sighing deeply.

He opened the faucet and splashed some water to his face to wake himself and keep his heavy eyelids open, since he's planning on going to the mall to distract himself from everything. Get yourself together, Cal, he thought while looking in the mirror. It's almost like I don't know you anymore.

He feels dead. Ever since Michael left their home he'd never felt so lonely in his life. It was like Mali leaving again for London, or the first day he spent away from his family to go to university alone, or to work away from home. No, the sinking feeling in his chest is so much worse than that; he feels utterly lost that he doesn't know what to do now that his merman is gone. Gone forever, who knows?

The past two months that they spent were all about Michael. Michael's well-being, Michael's things, Michael's likes and dislikes, Michael's interests, everything about Michael. He's looked after the merman that he forgot to look after himself. And now that Michael's gone, he feels lost and hopeless and unsure of what to do. If he hadn't met the merman, what is it that he could be possibly doing right now? He doesn't know and he doesn't want to answer that because imagining his life before without Michael is too painful and unbearable. He needs him back.

He needs his Michael back.

Calum locks the front door of the house and goes to his car where he tries his best to ignore the hope in the pit of his stomach that once he turns to his right side Michael will be there, just admiring the sceneries that they pass by like he usually does when they go out. He knows Michael isn't really there, and it hurts just thinking about him again, so he sets his eyes forward and grip the stirring wheel a little bit tighter than normal. His brown eyes really need to fucking stop with the tears right now.

Music. Maybe music can distract him. He spreads out the albums laying in the dashboard with one hand and decides on some relaxing music to keep his mind off of sad things and Coldplay seems the perfect candidate for it. He put the beautifully designed CD inside the player and let the familiar tune of the first track soothe him.

Halfway through the lonely ride his cellphone starts ringing, the name Ashton displayed in the screen in bright, bold letters. He lazily swiped the screen and pressed the speaker button. "Hello?"