Cloud Castle

13. Starving

''It hurt so bad that I can't breathe... I can't do worse. I can't... What did I do wrong? He was the one who force me into it! I didn't but why does it hurts? He asked me who I was and when he knew he got mad at me! I can't... No... Please... Oh my God... Please make it stop—'' I was on the verge of breaking down in front of Bellamy and I couldn't care because if I didn't let this out mamamatay ako. Pero natigilan ako nung biglang lumapat yung labi niya sa labi ko. It was like every single thing stopped even my tears. My heart won't calm down and I'm afraid he'll hear it. His eyes were closed... The kiss lasted for 5 seconds, I think. When he ended the kiss I felt something... Something I don't understand.

He leaned his forehead on me and we were so close that I can feel his breathe... He smells so good... What the hell? Umiiyak ka lang kanina diba? ''Did it stop?'' He asked while his eyes were still closed. Hindi ko alam kung anong iniisip niya. Why did he kiss me? Hobby niya ba ang manghalik?

''Ano?''

''The pain... did it stop?'' I looked into his eyes and there's so many things that was written in it pero hindi ko maintindihan.

''Did you—did you kiss me just to make the pain stop?'' I asked. Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako o hindi sa ganiwa niya. You don't kiss a person without love; you can't just kiss anyone like it was just a normal thing because kiss was supposed to be special.

''No... I just wanted to kiss you.''

''Why? Hobby ba sa'yo yun? You're from L.A maybe you're used to it but here... Kiss was supposed to be special...''

''You are... you are special believe me or not you are special to me...''

~~

I was lying on bed and just staring at the ceiling. I was thinking if I still have to go to that bon fire or not. First was I don't want to see Xyzpher's glaring stare and second I feel so awkward around Bellamy. Hindi ko alam kung anong trip niya o kung nakadrugs ba iyong lalaking iyon. It felt so surreal hearing that from him. Special daw ako? Nyemas eh ilang linggo lang kami nag kakilala and besides kung hindi lang sa akin binigay yung issue nila sa magazine. Hindi niya ako makikilala... Ang alam ko they're musicians not artist but he sure knows how to act. I shook my head... He was just helping me and that's his way. They said to make someone shut up you have to kiss them and it was effective. I forgot that I was breaking down because of that.

''Ady... You coming?'' Tanong nung isa sa staff nakaayos na sila't lahat ako kung ano yung suot ko kanina iyon parin. Natuyuan na nga rin ako eh. I didn't bring any clothes kasi nga two days and one night lang naman kami dito.

''Lou I didn't bring any clothes...'' Pag-amin sa kanya at umupo sa dulo nang kama. May mga babae naman akong kasama kaso hindi kasya sa akin yung damit nila. Napapailing pa siya sa akin tapos may kinuha sa bag niya.