Got Your Tail (boyxboy) ✓

Chapter Twenty Nine

[A/N] I was away because my laptop snapped in two, actually I'd attach a picture of it if I knew how (it looks pretty fantastic) because of this I had to save up for a new one which took a very long time.

But so I bought my laptop in Germany, and when I went home I realized I left my charger there and had to wait for my Opa to send it to England (which took bloody ages). I haven't abandoned this story, it would say in the title if it was.

Thank you for being patient. Don't buy a Toshiba.

Castus thought I needed space and maybe he was right but when he left I realized just how painful it was to keep away from him. Every vessel of my being wanted to follow his trail into his studying and curl up into his lap, soak up that heat that he emanated and breath in the scent of him that I loved.

I hated knowing that I felt lonely without Castus, before he kidnapped me I was used to feeling a certain kind of hollowness and I knew it came from his rejection but I didn't realize how deeply rooted it was.

Even surrounded by the eager pack members who tried their best to make the pack house my home, who argued over the dinner table and fought each other in the vast gardens, including me as best they could. I still felt so alone.

Alone in a crowd.

And if I hadn't known how good is love could be then maybe I wouldn't feel so bad whenever I watched him leave the room.

The scars of rejection had never closed and finally I was being forced to recognise that. Something was holding me back from fully getting over that painful hurdle. A part of me thinks that what Castus did Castus paid for, another is angry that I paid for it too. How do you forgive someone for breaking your heart?

But beyond that, beyond the heart, the next worst thing to break, my pride.

And pride is a man that never forgets, and NEVER forgives.

And the heart is a man that always forgives because it has no fucking memory.

And the brain is an Olympic battle ground, on the sands of which my two gladiators fight in a battle that will never end.

I was happier thinking I wanted him to piss off while he hung around me than I am knowing that I miss him every time he leaves.

Whatever Castus took from the conversation he had, had made him wary of me in some way or another. He stopped guarding me like a rabid dog, he actually let the pack take me places. But he kept our meetings short and only over dinner. The rest of the day he spent with the pack, not including me, or in his study. What did he do in there?

That was another reason why I wasn't cut out to be a Luna, a Luna is supposed to know the complete ins and outs of the work his or her alpha does. All I could think of was maybe taxes?

All the girls had been forced to learn what it took to run that pack in hopes that one of them would eventually become Luna and be well prepared, naturally those twats hadn't thought of me.

Occasionally I would go out with some of the other pack members to the market and if I saw something I liked they were only too pushy to buy it for me. I didn't want that much, most of the things we got were just bought based on my passing comments on what looked nice and what didn't.

I knew why they'd bought me these things, like the cuddly multicoloured elephant, the checkered blanket, the lava lamp, and the four colourful cushions.