Bleed Me Dry

Got a Hold on Me

"Baby, I don't want you, but I need you." You Really Got a Hold on Me, Cover by Cyndi Lauper.

Andie

My alarm clock sounds loud like a dying bird, maybe it's trying to do it's best impression of what I feel like inside. I lay in bed with my eyes closed for a few minutes praying to God today is a good day. Lately I don't feel like God's listening very much. I know I have to get up soon or Vincent will come in here. I don't want to start the day off worse than it will already be. I drag myself up but when I hear Vincent in the bathroom I walk a little bit faster.

Fortunately by the time Vincent's finished in the bathroom I'm almost done making his breakfast. He walks in with a smile on his face. I guess I can thank God for something.

He walks over to me, nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck, and says, "Morning beautiful, sorry about last night you know I didn't mean to."

I've heard that sentence and so many versions of it a million times. At first it meant something that he said it but now I know it's just a default. I used to love when he would cuddle me like he's doing now with that sexy morning voice. I still look at him and wonder how someone so beautiful managed to fall in love with me. Then I remember he didn't.

"I know it's okay baby, it's okay," I don't know why I say it but I guess it's my default response to his sentence.

"I love you so much Andie, I love you so so much."

"I love you too Vince," I say as I kiss his temple.

Fortunately he's almost done eating which means he will leave for work soon. After he's gone and I can hate him again. It's hard to hate someone you've loved since you were 14. All those memories that will never leave my head just replay all day long. But just like every movie the bad part comes, he loves me in the mornings but at night I have to prepare myself for battle. One day he won't have this grip on me. One day I will be able to hold myself against him.

Vincent comes home at exactly 5 o'clock everyday. He must leave work early in order to be home by 5 but I never ask questions, a move like that could kill me. I always make sure dinner isn't ready when he comes home. I start cooking it so he smells it but also knows he has enough time to watch the latest sports game before he has to eat. When dinners ready he eats quickly, I'm always on edge when we're eating, especially when there's knives involved. We don't make conversation because Vincent never has liked to be disturbed during meal times.

"Baby I'm feeling lucky tonight," he says in a slow seductive tone.

Unfortunately I'm not feeling very seduced. I know I have to give him what he wants. If I don't things could get ugly real fast.

We go into the bedroom and we don't bother with all the lovey stuff we used to do. I strip down and he as a hungry look in his eyes. He gets naked too. Soon we are moving together in perfect sink, if only it was like that all the time.

By the time we're done he's playing with my hair and I'm drawing tiny circles on his chest. But our moment of love doesn't last long. I feel the tension in his eyes and I prepare myself for the worst. I have no idea where he's going to strike. He goes for the hair, pulling it so hard there's tears in my eyes.

"Andie you stupid bitch! Why don't we ever have sex anymore and why is the bathroom so fucking dirty," He yells looking me directly in the eyes with that God awful demon glare he gets. He always speaks these irrational sentences that don't make sense when he's beating me. He drags me across the room and I become his punching bag once again.

Before I know it I'm bloody and bruised. I know he's done because he's crying now. He always does that when he's done torturing me.

My body can only take this treatment for so long. Some day soon I'm going to break. I don't have much time. As much as I love Vincent I know our relationship isn't healthy, I have to go. I can't take any of my stuff with me it's too dangerous. Vincent won't take my disappearance well. I wait til we go to sleep, letting him hold me one last time. The boy I've loved since high school, the one who never broke my heart but broke my soul, will be gone from my life in a few hours. I take in a few last breaths of his scent before I scurry out of his arms. As I climb out the window I take one last look at him before I never see him again. He moves a little and all I can manage to speak is a small shushing sound. After that I know this is my moment. I do what I've wanted to do for year now, I run.