"On paper skin words won't rescind, they sink too deep and slice me open. In paper skin I never mend it bends me back until I'm broken." Paper Skin, Kendall Payne.
Millie
The thumping in my heart gets heavier and louder each step I take. I'm about to start my first chemo treatment. A person never really adjusts to knowing they have cancer. Every time a nurse mentions it my body sinks a little. I'm in so much pain already I think one more piece of emotional baggage will break me. Not that I'm not already broken.
I called my parents yesterday and told them the news. I know the thought of both of their children dead before them breaks their hearts. After I told them I hung up because I couldn't handle their reactions. Leave it to me to get rid of the little support I had.
While I'm being jabbed with needles I think of Andie. She wanted to be my friend and I shut her out. I can't put anyone else through this pain though, if we get too close it will hurt her when I'm gone. From the looks of her face I know she's already been hurt. I think she believes no one sees the bruises all over her body. I wish I could find out what her story is, I'm sure she needs someone to talk to just like I do. Too bad we can't be friends.
The nurse comes in and tells me I've finished my treatment. Her voice is so happy it almost gives me a little bit of hope. Then I remember my odds. I start walking towards the exit hoping I can get there before I run into anyone I know. I'm in my final stretch to the door when Andie and I collide. You have got to be kidding me. She seems different than she is at work, like she's trying extra hard to hide her secret.
"Hey Millie how are you?" she says with fake enthusiasm.
"I'm good. Why are you here?" I press curious to know what she will say. If she asks me the same question I'm going to have to come up with a good lie.
Just as she starts to answer I see Gia walking towards the door. She is purposely not making eye contact with us but Andie isn't letting it happen. Ever since Gia rejected Andie's friendship Andie has been chatting at her much more often. Naturally Gia doesn't reciprocate.
"Gia! Gia! Over here!" Andie calls out.
"Hey guys... Funny seeing you here," says Gia even more fake than when Andie and I first saw each other.
"It is funny! What are you doing here?" Andie asks.
"Just a routine checkup," Gia answers her. I can tell Gia is lying, I guess all three of us are hiding medical issues. I'm sure neither of theirs is a matter of death. We are all hiding something from each other but I know we can see through each other's paper skin. We are transparent, anything we feel the others can see.
"I have a great idea! We should all go out tonight. None of us are working and I'm new to town so you all can show me around!" Andie says. I do feel bad for her and it can't hurt her if we just go out one time.
"Okay, I know a good Mexican restaurant down on 4th Ave," I tell her.
"That's perfect! Are you coming Gia?" Andie exclaims.
"Oh why not," Gia says. It surprises me she doesn't have plans with that boy that keeps calling the diner.
Maybe this will be good for me, one last time to have a normal night out with friends. My heart breaks a little when I think about how things like this never happened when I was healthy. I pile up as much strength as I can, walk out of the hospital, and tell myself to live for the night. There's words graffitied on a wall on my way home that I tell myself to remember.
"This is your chance
This is your chance to take the fall
You've had a billion chances,
Yet you haven't taken one."
YOU ARE READING
Bleed Me Dry
ChickLitAndie is on the run from someone she's fought so desperately to save. But in reality is she really running from herself? Gia doesn't know what it means to love. One man after another never letting them see who she really is. Only this time the one s...
