Bleed Me Dry

Foolish Dreamer

"How did you read my mind tell me every line that I longed to hear. Well you were so convincing, but you left me empty." Dreamer, Kari Kimmel.

Gia

"So do you have any baby names picked out for our perfect little angel?" Tanner asks me with his arms wrapped around by now gigantic belly. He nestles his head in my neck when I don't respond right away.

"I've been looking through the baby books. I'm not quite sure though, maybe Gertrude or Hariet," I joke.

"Great names!"

"You are kidding right?"

"Yes, please tell me you are too."

"I am. Do you have any suggestions?"

"Actually I was thinking about naming her Caroline."

"Why Caroline?"

"I'm not sure it's just pretty."

I love the name Caroline, I have since it was a child. I know he saw it written on the coffee table. It was oddly sweet of him to name the baby when he knew I wanted that name. I let him take the credit though. I know he wants to feel like he's a big part of my pregnancy. I feel so much more comfortable around him now. All my fears are gone, I constantly dream about our life together. After the baby we'll fall even more in love, get married, have a couple more kids and everything will be perfect. It's already starting to be.

Tanner and I lay on the couch for a little bit just taking in the night. I love how calm everything is with him. He always says what I'm thinking like he knows what I want to hear. My head goes up in the clouds for awhile while I dream about our future. He whispers sweet nothings in my ear until I eventually fall asleep. My dreams are filled with our laughter and the thought of baby Caroline.

I'm awaken by the sound of Tanner getting up I figured he was just getting something from the kitchen but the apartment door opens and closes before I can realize he left. Maybe he was getting me some flowers for when I wake up. I doubt he's leaving me.

Tanner doesn't come back for hours and I more worried by the second. I know I'll have to learn to trust if this relationship is going to work. He eventually comes back with a smile on his face and the flowers I had hoped he would bring me. My icy heart is starting to melt and now has opened it up to a world of love and trust. He really is a dream.

Two weeks go by and Tanner still brings me flowers everyday after leaving for hours at a time. He tells me it's just work stuff so I know I have to believe him. He will one day be my husband I'm going to have to adjust to his absences.

Tonight it's been longer than usual. Tanner isn't home and my baby is kicking for him. The baby always kicks me until he puts his hand there. I tell myself not to worry, he's coming home soon.

He finally stumbles in after midnight.

"Where were you?" I ask as I rush to him.

"Gi, I think we need to talk," he says and I can already feel the pounding of my heart. This was not part of the dream.

"Why? I don't care that you come home late. You're just working."

"Gia. I don't think I owe you that much of an explanation. You've walked out on me so many times and I know you love me and I love you too but I think it's better if I leave."

I don't know what to do other than let the tears stream down my face. "What do you mean? You said you would never leave me."

"I'm doing this for your own good. I can't handle your abandonment fears and I think it would be better if you did this alone."

"Who does this! I'm due in four days and you're just going to leave! I thought we would get married!"

"Gia I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." he says as he walks out the door with the stuff I didn't even know he packed. I really was a dreamer and I really should've known better. His mouth and his eyes told me what I wanted to hear and he has no issues with lying. When I'm with him I can't see past his lies. The moment I realize the truth I'm gone.

I can't pretend I know what to do other than hope he'll change his mind and come back. He will never understand how much I need him. For the longest time he was the the only thing that kept me hopeful and even though he doesn't want me anymore I still have that hope.