Bleed Me Dry

Every Heart

"Every heart has a story to tell, some dreams have wings, some are torn at the seams and just sit there on the shelf. If you were to walk in my shoes you'd see we are all the same. So find the love inside yourself because every heart has a story to tell." Every Heart, Sara Haze.

Millie's Final Goodbye

If you're reading this at some point in time I have probably met you. Chances are I was just a dull component in your life. In my life you probably impacted it more than you realised. A small part of me hopes that I in some way I changed your life, that when we parted you said "I want to be more like her." In life I think a part of us wants to think everybody does that. But in reality it's unlikely I've been anything but another human sharing the Earth with you. When I died you decided you would pay tribute to me by reading this. In my short 30 years of life I only really learned one thing. Very few people actually care.

This probably isn't what you were expecting from a goodbye letter and I promise I'll get to the sappy stuff because the end of my life was my favorite part. It gave me purpose, the fact that I was dying gave me reason to live, a reason to take risks. But everyone is entitled to give a good rant and considering where I am right now I think I deserve it.

People like to ask me why I'm not depressed and how I could be so happy in such a dark time. I tell them the truth, my life I have looked depression straight in the eye, I've screamed, yelled, and begged it with all my might for it to go away. But it never really leaves it just kind of sits there. It's your responsibility to make it go away. Cancer does not cause depression, depression has always lived inside you. The people that get depressed while they battle cancer let in become them. It would have happened to me but I wouldn't let it, I wouldn't let it take the life away from me that I waited so long to have.

It's funny you know, how people come into your life. There are so many people that came into my life broke my heart without realizing it and walked away. But for the ones that stayed thank you. The ones that decided to throw daggers at me, thank you too. I'm am so glad I am the way I am. Despite my cracks and my scars I turned out to be everything I ever wanted to be.

So here's the point I wanted to get to with my goodbye, it was not to tell people that all along I hated them, it was not to give them my love, nor was it to give people closure on my death. It was for those young people reading this to know that life goes beyond the exterior. Through my own personal battles and what I've watched my friends go through I've learned that people are going to suck the life out of you, they will knock you down, and do their best to make sure you don't get up. They will use you and lie for the sake of your feelings only for it to hurt all the more when you find out the truth. Let them, let them take everything they can from you, let them hurt you, let them bleed you dry. It will be worth it in the end, if you know you gave them everything you've got eventually they'll stop coming back for more. It may not be a happy ending, but nothing ever really is.

For the people who are reading this to see how the cancer has made me feel I want you to know it was the best thing that ever happened to me. My brother was killed in an accident, he didn't get to know who he was when he died. I had 9 months to make sure I was happy when I died, and I was. Andie and Gia, you opened me up, your hearts shaped me. You made the last few months of my life the best rollercoaster I've ever ridden. I also want you to know that wherever I am, whatever happens after we die, I am walking this Earth. I'm dancing in the clouds and letting all the pain I've endured go free.

I got to have 30 year long story. There were so many things I got to do and so many things I didn't get to. I made beautiful mistakes that in the end I could laugh about. My heart is full of secrets and memories that make who I am. I had a lot of dreams that were mostly all crushed. My heart has a story inside it, just like yours, and the person sitting next to you. Just like Andie and her fragile one that's been abused and taken for granted, and Gia's whose was left in the dust but is now filled by her love for her daughter. This was my heart and this was my story to tell. Go tell yours...

Millie

Three people all individuals, living in world that only sucks you dry. It's not about what you've been it's about who you became when you thought you had nothing left.