Bleed Me Dry

Brave

"I'm not the same anymore. I've been running in your direction for too long now, lost my own reflection." Brave, Idina Menzel.

Andie

For the 4th time tonight I have woken up with the same nightmare. Vincent comes to Wrigley's, looking for me. I see him and hide so he won't find me. Then Millie and Gia give my hiding spot away and he comes to get me. He beats me mercilessly, while my friends watch me in defeat. I wake up screaming with sweat pouring off my body. I know Vincent will not find me. I have cut my fiery red hair short, changed every part of my identity and kept a very low profile around town.

I know I need to stand my ground. Never let him sway me into coming back home. No matter how much I miss his love. I have been following him since I was 14 years old. It's hard to change. Gia and Millie have been so supportive and really helped me get through my constant fears and panic attacks. I have to hold myself together all day long but once the doors of my run down apartment are closed my heart is on my sleeve and I break. All I can do is look outside and remember that beautiful Florida sunshine and my big house decorated just how I wanted it.

Now all I can feel it the northern breeze and hear the creaky boards in my apartment that I can't afford to fix. It's not as bad when I'm not alone. I can feel myself breathe and I don't have to worry about anyone hurting me. I can drown myself in Gia's pregnancy and her relationship with Tanner, and Millie's fight to survive. Supporting other people is the only way to distract myself from my own problems.

I try to avoid looking at myself in the mirror. It's easier to not look at my face, that way I don't have to see the person I used to be covered up by who I have become. But you cannot escape mirrors, they always manage to find you when you don't want to be found.

I constantly find myself trying to make peace with what has happened. That Vincent hurt me so I could leave him and end up here. It's hard to believe that "everything happens for a reason" thing. My life used to be so wonderful and as soon as I got married things turned to dust. I want to forgive Vincent, God, and everyone else for creating this in me. But I'm also trying to forget which is hard when you have all those memories in the back of your head.

My phone starts to ring in the middle of my self-pity party. The caller-ID says it's Millie so I pick up quickly hoping she's okay.

"Millie what's up, are you okay?" I question her what when I pick up the phone.

"Andie, Vincent just called here looking for you," she tells me.

Panic runs through my body. No, no, there's no way this has to be a mistake. This can't be happening.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes he said he was your husband and that you worked here. I told him I didn't know who you were and that he made a mistake."

"Oh my God. Oh my god, oh my God."

"Andie it's going to be okay."

"No, no it's not," is all I can manage to say.