I'm Not So Bad.

Chapter 29

Ocean's pov.

It has been a week since I broke up with River, and to say I was depressed would be an understanding. I was currently lying in my bed just staring at the ceiling. 

I wonder what River is doing.

No no no I can't think about him.

Mike and Rebecca are still trying to get me to talk to River, but I can't yet. Maybe I will later but not yet. Hell I can't even look at him without crying.

I still love him.

But I need to stop, I don't know how but I will forget him one day. I decided to go for a walk around campus, to get some fresh air. I guess. I huffed and got up from my bed, I walked out of my dorm not even looking in the mirror, because I know I look like crap. I know it sounds gross but I haven't showered since the breakup. Well I haven't been taking care of myself, Mike and Rebecca have to make me eat.

I was walking around campus and looking down, not wanting people to see my face. I suddenly bumped into someone.

"I'm so-" I couldn't finish because my words got caught in my throat.

I had to stop myself from gasping, River looked more worse than me. He had huge bags under his eyes, his hair was greasy and messy. His eyes didn't show the same light they used to. He looked crushed.

Did I do this?

"Hi" He said softly/sadly

"Hey" I said in the same voice.

"H-how are you?" He stuttered

"I'm...fine I guess, you?"

"Same I guess"

"I should get going" I said about to walk away.

"Wait Short Cake"

I stopped breathing when he called me my old nickname.

"Yes River?" I asked

"Umm...I just wanted to tell you...that I will fight for you...to come back to me" He stated.

"River you cheated, I don't date cheaters"

"I didn't cheat" He mumbled.

A tear slipped down his cheek, I had to stop myself from wiping it away. I looked at him.

I walked up to him and gave him a hug.

"Maybe one day" I whispered in his ear.

Before he could respond I quickly walked away. I walked into my dorm and looked around for Rebecca. she wasn't here so I walked to the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out my blade. I used to cut when I was depressed, and then I got better so I stopped. Now i'm depressed again.

I did this to him.

No he did this he cheated.

Didn't he?

He looked horrible.

Because of me.

It's all my fault.

I looked down at my blade, then at my wrist. I carefully started to drag the blade over my wrist. I stung like a motherfucker. I started sobbing,

He's like this because of me!

I cut deeper this time.

It's all my fault

I heard the dorm room door open.