The Unwanted (Completed)

Chapter 15

I opened my eyes after praying. Same prayer, prayer that I am always praying since then. Honestly, naiinip na ako na pagbigyan ng Diyos ang hiling ko. Na mahalin na rin ako ng pamilya ko. Then I realized that there's a right time for that. Maybe God is busy writing how will it happen in the best way. 'Yung magiging worth it lahat ng paghihirap ko pagdating ng araw na iyon. That's why I'm still not giving up. Yes, I'm tired but I'll do everything not to quit.

Then suddenly I remember kung paano naganap ang pag-uusap namin ni Jaycee. Napangiti ako saka pinakiramdaman ang puso. It's true what Jaycee said. Nabawasan nga ang sakit at bigat sa loob na dinadamdam ko. He's really a gift to me.

"I'm a certified KSP, Jaycee. Kulang na kulang ako sa pansin. Kulang sa pagmamahal. I'm always craving for someone's attention, love and care. Lalo na sa pamilya ko. Namulat ako sa mundo na laging naisasawalang-bahala. Laging nasa tabi. I never got the spotlight para mapansin nila. Oh, napapansin nila ang kamalian ko. Ginagawan nila ako ng kamalian..." I cleared my throat when lump start to build on it. Nagsisimulang mamasa ang mata ko but I tried hard not to cry. Gusto kong mailabas ang lahat. I look directly on Jaycee's eyes. Pain is evident on it. Mapait akong ngumiti bago muling nagsalita.

"Laging tanong ko sa sarili, ano bang meron kila ate na wala ako. Bakit sila na lang lagi, bakit hindi naman ako? A-anak rin naman nila ako 'di ba? I came from their own blood and flesh. I'm God's gift. Everyone is God's gift that promised to be loved and protect. Pero bakit gano'n? If they wouldn't hurt me physically they will hurt me here..." I pointed my chest where heart is in it. Tears are streaming on my cheeks.

"Lagi nila akong sinasaktan, yung puso ko. Physically, maybe I can take it. Bear with it. Pero emotionally, hindi. Parang pinapatay ako sa tuwing sasabihin nilang wala akong kwenta. That I'm not one of them. That I'm not part of the family. I am always doing my best. I excel in academic and extra-curicullar. Lagi akong nakakatanggap ng award and they should be proud right? Dahil lalo kong itinataas ang pride ng Aragon. But, no! They ignore it. They just threw my efforts like trash. Then when the awarding came, inggit na inggit ako. Because even I have the highest award, they still have the success. Kasi merong pamilya na sumusuporta sa kanila. Tapos akin...wala."

"And you know what hurts the most? That is the fact that they rejected me. Itinatanggi rin nila ako sa lahat. I feel so useless. Am I a disgrace to them? Isa ba akong malaking kahihiyan? M-maybe kung ampon ako, matatanggap ko ang lahat. But I'm not, ebidensya ang pagiging magkamukha namin ni Mommy! Pero bakit!? May nagawa ba akong mali? All my life, I did everything to please them. To make them happy. To make them accept me that I, H-hatey Faye Aragon is one of them. But no, they can't see it. Or maybe they can see it but they chose to ignore it." I sob hard because of the pain flowing back on every veins of my heart. Years had passed but the pain, wound and scar are still fresh. I felt Jaycee embrace me tightly. I cried on his chest, hard.

"T-tell me Jaycee, may mali ba sa akin. Don't I deserve to be loved? Mali ba ang existence ko sa mundo na ito? Am I disgusting? Damn it! Kasi sawang sawa na ako. Napapagod na ako Jaycee. Please tell me. Sobrang sakit na eh. I'm near on giving up. Kasi ano pa ba ang halaga ng buhay ko, if the person who must see my importance first can not! Ano pa ba ang dahilan ng lahat? Sobrang sakit, ang sakit sakit na buong buhay ko lagi na lang ako iniignora. Lagi silang walang pake sa akin. Hindi nila ako gusto. It pains me so much and I'm tired of being unwanted. Maybe, maybe if I die they will finally saw me. Baka pagnamatay ako, mapapansin na nila na may isa pa silang anak, kapatid at miyembro ng pamilya..."
Will they cry on my grave? Will they cry because of my death? Ma-mimiss ba nila ako?

"Sshhh..don't think of that baby..Just wait, dadating ang panahon na matatanggap ka na nila. Mamahalin ka nila. O kung hindi man dumating iyon, there is someone that will complete you. Na pupunan lahat ng pagkukulang sa pagkatao mo," bulong niya. I hug him tight at ibinuhos ang lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman.

"And I'm more than willing to be that someone.."

"J-jaycee.." I am stunned. Frozen on my spot. My hearts is beating so fast, so loud. Halos tumalon ito dahil sa saya. It's like indirect confession. A confession! Am I assuming? Or am I right?

"Hatey, I love you." Bulong niya. My eyes widen, my jaw dropped. This—this is unexpected.

"I-Iknow, this is not the right time. You shared your painful experience. And here I am confessing. But I can't stop it," aniya.

"Y-you love me?" I ask in disbelief saka itinuro ang sarili. Tumango siya.

"Yes, I love you so much. I love you for so long time, secretly. And now, hindi ko na kayang itago," saad niya saka yumuko na tila nahihiya.

"I am not expecting your answer. I just want to tell you, to inform you that I'm here for you. Always, loving you," he said with full of emotion. And tears start to fall from my eyes, again.

"And always remember, If you're already tired and can't take it all, just call me. And we will runaway. Runaway for a while and I'll let you rest. And when you are ready, I will stand with you. We will face your problems. I'll be always be with you, forever."

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