Her Beef 2: A Different Me

Chapter 40

"Sometimes you have to know when to throw in the towel"~Unknown

Chico

I knew that this was a conversation that I was going to have to have. I knew my baby girl would have so many questions. Looking at her was like looking at Eva. She looked so much like her mother and she had her fiery personality as well. I have played this scene out in my mind so many times and I am still not prepared for the outcome.

"Desire it wasn't easy staying out of you and your brother lives. I loved both of you with all my heart. You were my little baby girl. You were so beautiful and you wouldn't go to sleep unless you were laying on me. You would frown when I was holding you and your mother would try to come near me." I said laughing at the memory.

"It's crazy that you said that cause my daughter Imani is the same way with her father and she does the same thing." She said smiling a little.

My God she has her mother's smile. It melted my heart and brought a tear to my eye. When I found out that Eva had cancer it was like my world had came crashing down. She was my heart and to be honest she was the only woman that I was ever truly in love with. That woman took my heart with her to the grave.

Now sitting here looking at the daughter that we made together just brought my heart back from the grave.

"Forgive me for staring at you like that but you just have your mother's smile. You just have her face period." I said trying to control my emotions.

"Did you really love my mother? Why did you leave us if I was so attached to you? Why did you not once ever just fight to see us? Well see me cause you knew Shad." She asked question after question and I could hear the hurt in her voice.

"I didn't just willing walk out of your life Desire. I'm sure you know the type of business that I was running and your mother didn't want that anywhere near the two of you. She didn't want anything to do with it." I said.

"So why would you not just leave the business for us!" She said raising her voice.

"I couldn't! I didn't finish school the only way I knew how to provide was by hustling and you mother knew that. I loved your mother more than anything on this earth. She held my heart in her hands. The day she told me to leave was the day I lost my sanity. I stopped caring about everything. I just went harder into the drug game and built the largest cartel the United States have every seen. I tried and I begged your mother to let me be apart of your life an she denied me. She said she would rather tell you that I died then to let you be around a murdering drug lord." I said wiping away the tears that fell.

She stood up and started pacing the floor and biting her thumb nail the same way I do when I'm frustrated. Now that took me by surprise. I was only seeing her mother in her not realizing that she had some of me in her as well.

I stood up and walked over to her. I took her hands in mine and the tears just fell.

"I know I hurt you baby girl and I am sorry for that. If I could take it all back I promise you that I would. Please just let me be apart of your life now. I want you to get to know me and I want to get to know you. I need you in my life baby girl I really do." I said breaking down.

She looked up at me with those beautiful brown eye's that were filled with tears and shook her head yes. We just hugged each other tightly and for the first time in my life I felt like I had a piece of Eva back.

"I know I have a lot more questions to answer and I will do that. I just want my little girl in my life." I said kissing her on the forehead.

We both sat down next to each wiping away tears. This beautiful chocolate very pregnant girl walked in with tears in her eye's too.