Your All Isn't Good Enough💋🔫

Doing Mi

When I get to the airport I give the man his pay including a healthy tip.

"No mam I can't take this"

"Yes you can. I've enjoyed our talk. You've helped allot. You need that so use it"

"But I wouldn't feel right taking it"

"Goodnight Mr John"

Getting out the car before he can refuse completely.

When I get on the plane it's like a weight came off my shoulders. Looking out the window I see Zoe with a hard stare. Mouthing I'm sorry with a lone tear as the plane begins.

Closing my eyes it's going to be a long ride to GA.

7hrs later I feel a tap on my shoulder.

"Mam we've landed"

"Ok thank you"

Gathering my bags,getting off the flight to this Savannah GA Heat.

Dame I forgot how the weather is down South.

Thinking about what my next move is. Really I don't have a move but to get my head right.

Renting a car then a hotel room.

Until I find what I'm looking for which is myself.

When I get in the room there's a queen size bed in the middle of the room. Dresser on each side. Nice size flat on the wall. A small kitchen forward. With a pull out couch on the side of me.

Putting my things up first. Then out the door to grab food. I end up going to Kroger's to actually get food and snacks.

Then I go to Walmart to get hygiene things with bath salts,oils all that good stuff. That jet bathtub was calling me.

Pulling back up to the room. I notice the front desk lady is looking at me on the phone. Paying it no mind. I walk in the room putting the do not disturb sign on the door.

Cooking a shrimp Alfredo. Putting the rest in the fridge. Dropping my clothes where I stand.

Running the bath water putting in the salts with vanilla oil to let it flow. Adding a bit of bubble bath.

Walking away to catch myself in the mirror. My long black curly hair can use a trim. Dead Light brown eyes that change dark brown with a red rim around it when I'm sad or mad. Light skin that looks pale. Weight going up and down from the stress I've been going through. Looking at my flat stomach that now holds a scar where my baby was growing.

Tears fall from my eyes down to my broken soul where they burn out. Taking a deep breath trying to get myself together. Wiping tears and doing what I do best putting a smile that doesn't reach my eyes on.

I wasn't prepared to bring my baby in this world right. That's why you took it? I wasn't strong enough right? Huh I'm not good enough yet to have something so precious in my life. Not worthy enough. I'm sorry for not being a better person. I'm sorry I didn't show you I'm good enough to be a mother. I'll do better I promise. Lord please forgive me for my sins. I forgive every person thats done wrong by me. Amen

Sinking down in the tub. Head under water.

I use to love to swim. I can't remember why I stopped. But it's been a long time since I have.

Sitting under there for awhile. A calmness washes over me.

Nothing can touch me no pain,hurt,tears nothing but..... No air.

Popping back up breathing hard. That felt good.

Getting out the tub. Wrapping a big fluffy pink towel around me. I get in the shower part.  Letting the hot water hit me. Putting mocha shampoo and conditioner through my long curls. Relaxing while I put coco butter by Dove all over my body. Shaving my underarms,legs,kitty. 

Rinsing everything off me. Getting out the shower. Wrapping the towel back around my body. Letting my hair air dry.

I slip on a big white tee with a black thong.

Grabbing the phone out the Walmart bag I got earlier. Programming it. Then Texting Yo-yo

Me:baby

yo: this better be my bitch telling me she OK . Fuk this texting

Giggling , she's never had patience.

"Hello"

"Hey baby, you ok"

"Yes I'm good,I'm relaxed"

"That's good. I should beat your ass you know that. Got me worried and shit"

"I'm sorry"

Pouting like she can see me

"Save it for the birds. I went by your house Wes has fucked it up. So I hope you got everything you needed"

"Uhhh yea I did I'm glad I did. And fuck him!"

"Why didn't you tell me he was doing that shit to you. Oh and the bitch he messing with meet papi"

That brought a smile. My bestie is fucking crazy and loves to cut

"How you find out who it was?"

"Ace has his ways girl. Zoe got big ass holes in his house. You picked the wrong time to tell him you were leaving. I was there. Ace made me leave. That nigga went crazy."

"Ol lord,I'm sorry"

"Naw don't be. But I suggest you call that nigga before he comes find you"

We talked for another hour then we hung up.

I debated should I call Zoe. Biting down on my lip.

Dailing the number. Holding my breath.

"Where the hell you at Cal?"

"Away Zoe I had to get away"

"From me. I didn't do nothing,so why do I have to suffer?"

"No,it's not like that"

"So what is it?"

He's pissed off still

"I had to much going on."

"What was so bad Cali what? I would have helped you through it. You are selfish as fuck dog"

"You know what fuck you! Lose my number. I just had a miscarriage DOG.  I just gave my all to a nigga that's been cheating on me for a fucking year, with a bitch that could care less. My face is swollen my neck is purple so I'm so fucking sorry,that I was thinking about my self for once Goodbye Zoe.

The nerve of these niggas,I see why hoes go gay these days. Ugh fuck everybody but myself. That's what I need to worry about.