Your All Isn't Good Enough💋🔫

I love myself

It's been 7 months since I checked out of that hospital. 7 months since I've been in contact with my men. I have people watching them and the kids, just to keep my mind at ease.

I've been living myself. Learning myself all over again. I didn't realize how drained I was. My body, mind and spirit had left me without my knowing. Living in a private cabin with a waterfall lake view. It's beautiful it made me see myself as beautiful. I had lost so much weight from the stress in my life.

Getting up everyday at 6 am eating a light breakfast before I begin my yoga. Learning that it takes me to another place of mind. It's made me humble with things. All the anger and hurt I've come to terms with it. I let it go. No it's not forgetting or getting over it. It's being, how do I put it? I putting it away in a safe box in y head so I can fully live. It wasn't fair to my men that is giving me all of them. And in return I'm giving half of me.

So many nights I cried myself to sleep or cried in the shower. So noone could see my misery, my insecurities with myself, my pain that I go through daily. But there it goes again when I have the word a fake smile that no one's sees through but myself. I had to learn what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm a beautiful strong, independent, caring woman. I won't say my color, because my skin does not define me. Sure it makes me who I am but it doesn't make me who I am. Only a real person would understand that saying.

People are so judgemental of the closed book that's standing next to them. So closed minded that person is more then just a black girl or more than a white girl. You never know what that person has been through or even going through. So I open my mind to the possibilities that await me. I give my body, mind to my men. They have been with me through thick and thin.

I told the girl at the hospital I didn't need friends because I can't trust them. That's not fair, just because I've been through it doesn't mean I should say fuck everybody. They weren't the ones that hurt me. But are nature is to build a wall up around the people that try to get close. Are reaction is to push them away when we've been hurt. Just so we won't feel that pain again.

You have to work on your mind before you can work on your body or anything else.

But don't get it twisted when go back in still going to be the c ruthless queen. I need my throne that is what excites me. I love being in control so when I'm back things will change. I just need about I've more month. I'll be ready. But I realize I need to relocate.

Ring, Ring

Looking at my ringing phone.

"Hello"

"Hey you ready for your tattoos?"

"Yup, but make sure no one follows you. I know your Scars friends and all but I need you to keep your mouth shut"

He chuckles

"I got you ma"

Hanging up in his face. The queen is back I hope every body is prepared.

I know it's short but I wanted to write a little something. But anyway Merry Christmas to all.

Read,Vote, Comment if you want. But thanks for reading. Muah

                             Redd