Nobis ✴︎ Pavel Chekov

Chapter Seven - I'd Like That

         

After the awkwardness dies down a little, Emory and Pavel head back to Emory's dorm. They eat biscuits she made yesterday and things are a little easier. Pavel realised how much he missed her and they talk until it gets late. She offers Pavel a bed for the night again and he accepts but they spend a lot of time just sitting on the couch bed once it's set up. They stay there for ages and Pavel talks a little about navigating and tells her about what happened with Spock's mother. She listens carefully and he tries not to get too teary. He needs to stop for a few seconds at one stage just so he doesn't burst out sobbing. He forgets how much the incident got to him until he tries to talk about it. Emory seems to understand. Her cousin's boyfriend was on one of the ships that got destroyed. Her roommate lost a lot of her family. Everyone seemed to have gotten touched in one way or another from what happened.

For a short while, there's a silence, but it's a comfortable one. They take some time to think about the destruction of Vulcan and Pavel mulls over what Emory said about him being a perfectionist. He knows she's right but he doesn't comment much on it. Pavel's eyes begin to close and so do hers, they lean against one another inadvertently and slowly fall asleep.

Pavel wakes up not realising he's spooning someone, that someone being Emory. Emory doesn't realise either because she's still asleep but Pavel finds himself quite unsure what to do. He's wrapped around her and she's all warm in his arms. He likes having her there, a lot more than he cares to admit. His guilt quickly sets in, he moves off her and retreats into the bathroom, shutting the door and splashing water on his face to try and calm himself down a little. He feels like there is a battle going on in his head, one that he can only lose. He can't, and shouldn't be holding her. He used her, he reminds himself of that. He did wrong by her and it would be cruel to keep anything up. He leaves the bathroom and sneaks out of the room, picking up his bag silently off the floor and walks straight out, telling himself he can't stay.

As he anticipated, he gets a message not long after he has left.

Emory: "Where are you?"

He looks at it and feels a little ill, not wanting to respond but feeling like he has to.

Pavel: "I felt very sick so I left. I didn't want to make a mess of your bathroom."

He hates lying but he doesn't really have a coherent explanation otherwise. She doesn't respond and it makes him feel worse. He's back in his dorm and tries to take his mind off things by cleaning and it half works for a short while. He still doesn't hear back from her and it makes his stomach turn a little.

He writes her a message.

Pavel: "Dinner tomorrow night if I'm not still throwing up?"

He knows he's lying again but at least she won't think he's avoiding her again. He lays down on his bed and yawns, feeling a sleepiness he can't describe. He didn't think he was tired but he finds himself slipping slowly into a deep slumber.

Pavel wakes up later in the afternoon feeling sleepy still. He reaches for his PADD and sees a reply from Emory. He opens it and she says she can't do tomorrow night. He groans and rolls over onto his stomach.

Pavel: "When would be good for you then?"

Five minutes later she responds.

Emory: "I don't know if dinner is a good idea."

For a second Pavel just blinks blankly at the screen and realises she's pissed. It always took him way too long to realise his last girlfriend was pissed at him last time around. This time he knows he's kinda screwed unless he goes and fixes things. He pushes himself up off the bed and wanders into the bathroom, washing his face and brushing his teeth. He puts on some clean clothes and starts making his way over to her dorm.

Emory seems a little surprised to see Pavel, her blue eyes filling with caution if anything.

"Is everything okay?" She asks, stepping aside so he can come in.

Pavel takes a deep breath and puts his bag down on the table.

"I've been treating you badly and I came over here to apologise."

Emory blinks at him in surprise for a few seconds. "I get that you've been keeping your distance, but that's hardly treating me badly..."

Pavel looks down and takes another slow breath. "It's not just that."

Emory sits down on the couch and pats the seat beside her, waiting for Pavel to sit down and join her. He sits down on the couch and bites his lip a little.

"That night we met, I was drunk because I'd just broken up with my last girlfriend and I wanted to forget everything. I just wanted a hookup to move on and get over her. I used you, as a rebound. I don't think I'm with you for the right reasons. I'm using you, Emory."

There's a short silence and Pavel doesn't have the courage to look at her or her face.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers, still not looking at her.

"Pavel... I should probably tell you something too."

Pavel finally looks up and Emory seems distant. Not sad, just spaced out.

"I've been using you too."

Pavel tilts his head a little in confusion and waits for some sort of reply.

"I've got no friends at Starfleet. That night when we met, I was so lonely that I told myself I'd hook up with whoever I met. I saw you and just... Went for it. You were drunk too and it just made sense. When we started meeting up afterwards, I didn't want love or sentiment or even friendship. I just wanted to not feel alone. Pretend like I had someone. I've been using you too."

Pavel doesn't really know how to feel. He doesn't know if he's annoyed or empathetic. He looks at her gently and smiles weakly. "We're kind of a mess, aren't we?"

Emory smiles and nods, looking the slightest bit teary. Pavel wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her close to him. She buries her face into his chest and Pavel puts his other arm around her. She sighs and puts her own arms around him, squeezing tightly.

"Pav?"

"Yeah?"

"I really like you."

Pavel smiles, mostly to himself, but he smiles.

"I really like you too, Emmy."

Emory pulls away from him and looks deeply in his eyes. She puts his hands on his cheek and quickly pulls their faces together. Their lips collide and Pavel's eyes melt closed. Emory falls back and Pavel's on top of her, kissing her gently. He doesn't know why this is happening but it doesn't make him enjoy it any less. They separate slowly and look at each other, a little breathless.

"We're both a mess, and we've both screwed each other over a little, figuratively and literally. I don't want to be alone anymore, I want someone to be mine. I want to be yours. I just..."

"Want to date?" Pavel suggests.

She nods.

He places a gentle kiss on her head. "I'd like that."

(A/N)

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