Nobis ✴︎ Pavel Chekov

Chapter Sixty One - A Last Goodbye

"Did... Did something happen?" Pavel asks, his voice a little shaky.

"You... Your heart stopped beating. It's fine now, you just scared the shit out of me after everything else that has happened. You're fine now. You need to take it easy. Your heart is still pretty weak."

"When was the evaluation?"

"Yesterday morning. You were asleep and your heart just stopped beating a few hours after. You've been under anaesthetic for a little while now. I'm just glad to see you awake."

"I'm sorry I scared you," he says softly. McCoy ruffles his hair a little with a grin.

"Sulu and the girls are dying to see you. Irina had to be dragged out of medbay because she freaked out when your heart stopped. She was the one attending to you and she was the first one there but she was getting hysterical really quickly and Sulu had to hold her back for me. A few nurses and I moved you elsewhere but she was really shaken up about it. Might be a good idea seeing her first... Emory came in a little after we'd taken you in and saw Irina crying and Sulu with her and she freaked out too. It has been a really messy morning."

"Ah fuck," he says softly. "I... I should see Irina. Am I allowed to walk or?"

"No," he says flatly. "You stay there, and I'll go find her."

McCoy leaves and Pavel finds a notepad on his bedside table. He writes down everything he remembers about the dream he had before he woke up. He wonders if the tingling he felt in his chest was actually his heart stopping. He keeps taking down notes, trying to remember everything he possibly can. He looks up and Irina is a few meters away, watching him. She looks a little teary, he lowers his notepad.

He encourages her over and gives her a tight hug. She wipes her eyes as she sits down. Pavel starts by apologising and telling her how terrible he feels for scaring her like he did. She knows it wasn't his fault but she still appreciates the apology. He tells her about the dream, glad to be speaking Russian. She stills seems a little teary and he asks if she's alright.

"I was convinced you were going to die. Everything weird that has happened, I was certain that I'd lose you. I don't know, I feel like I had more to tell you or something. I can't explain it, I was just felt like after last time I needed a proper goodbye."

"If you could say a proper goodbye to me right now, what would you say?"

"You're not dying, are you?" She asks sharply, narrowing her eyes at him in concern. He shakes his head and she sighs.

"I'd... I'd tell you that I'm sorry for breaking your heart. I'd tell you I'm sorry for making everything messy and stripping in front of you when I was drunk. I'd tell you how much I regret cheating on you and how you still tried to be friend with me after everything I put you through, just how much that meant to me. I'd tell you how much I enjoy being able to speak my native language with you or how much I wish I could go back and fix everything. I'd... I'd tell you how even though that kiss when we were drunk was the wrong thing, it's still the best thing that has happened to me since getting on this ship... I'd tell you I'm sorry for still making things messy because I know you're not interested and you have every reason not to be but..."

She doesn't finish the thought, just rubbing her eyes on her sleeve and sniffing. Pavel feels a sting in his chest and part of him knows it's not his heart failing again. He asks her to come closer and she does, taking a seat on the side of his bed.

"I'm sorry I put you through all this. I know everything is messy but I don't want you out of my life... I still care about you. I may not have a romantic connection with you or anything but you're still an important part of my life. Maybe we're best off as friends, Irina. I know it's not exactly what you want but-"

"I think it's what I need right now... I still miss you because we weren't ever just girlfriend and boyfriend. We were best friends and maybe that's why we suffered so much when everything fell apart."

"Maybe you're right," he says gently, smiling up at her. "Since we met, you've always been a part of my life and I've been a part of yours. I think we need each other in one weird way or another."

Irina smiles softly and nods, thinking they've figured something out. She feels fresh now that the bitterness has faded away, that they underlying awkwardness they felt was there has dissipated. Irina knows he probably wants to talk to Emory and Sulu and asks if she should page them, he thanks her and lays back a little, realising he's a lot more tired than he'd like to be.

Sulu comes in before Emory. Sulu tells him that Emory's finally asleep for the first time in nearly two days. Pavel doesn't want to wake her, knowing that he'll probably need to sleep soon too. He's glad to see Sulu, even if he's too tired to really show it.

"I wanted to apologise," Pavel starts. "For how I spoke to you... That fight we had, I mean, you're my friend. I never should have spoken to you like that. And for everything else. For ignoring you, for being arrogant about my relationship with Emory..."

"You saved my life, Pavel. Twice. I know everything has been wild since we got on the ship but I'm not holding any sort of grudge against you."

"I'm sorry to interrupt," Pavel says, his eyebrows knitting together. "What do you mean twice? I remember the replicator but..."

"You don't remember the botany lab?" Sulu asks, his eyes widening as Pavel shakes his head. "I was in the botany lab and you just appeared suddenly and grabbed my wrist and pulled me out the door. Before I could question it the ship shook and the lab blew up. You collapsed and I took you to medbay with Irina but I still can't shake the weirdness of the experience. I mean, you pulled two people at such a speed like it was nothing... It was so strange."

"Two people? Did I grab Irina too?"

"No Pavel, Emory was in there with me. You saved her life too."

"I... I did what?"

"She wants to thank you for it, I know that much but she's still shaken up at moment. When she came into medbay I had Irina with me and she was freaking out. Emory thought you had died. It was rough for all of us, we didn't think you'd make it..."

"I didn't want to put everyone through more than I did after the transporter malfunction. I hate being like this... I hate feeling so fragile."

"I know you do," Sulu says, sitting down beside him. He tells him about trying to look after Emory, about sitting with Irina and how much he misses his plants in the botany lab. Pavel knows just how much the botany lab meant to him. He spent so much time there and yet it almost killed him. Sulu notices how sleepy his friend looks and tells him to get some rest until Emory wakes up.

Pavel wakes with Emory dozing off in the chair beside him. He grins, wondering how long she's been there for. He coos her name softly until her eyes open and she looks across at him, rubbing her eyes.

"Pavel," she whispers. "You're awake."

(Author's Note)

Man, I loved writing this chapter. Comment your thoughts <333