Nobis ✴︎ Pavel Chekov

Chapter Thirty Four - Conversions/Conversations

The next day Pavel convinces himself to ring Emory. He doesn't know if she'll pick up or not but he tells himself he should try, shakily pressing call and feeling his heart rate escalate. It rings a few times and there's no answer. He didn't expect her to pick up but actually still not getting a response is harder than he anticipated. He sighs and stands up, heading into the kitchen to get a drink. He's about to get a glass when his PADD starts buzzing and his eyes widen. He runs back over to it and sees her name on the screen, swallowing as he picks it up.

"Emory?"

"Pavel, hey."

"It's... it's nice to hear your voice again," he admits, sitting down and trying not to let his nerves get the best of him.

"It's nice to hear yours too. Are you okay? Why did you call?"

"I'm alright yeah, I just wanted to talk to you. It's very hard living with the guilt, I just need to apologise properly to you. I still don't know what was running through my head in Russia... I said to Sulu yesterday, I don't know how I did something so stupid. This apology went a lot smoother in my head. I'm honestly sorry I hurt you Emory, I don't expect you to forgive me or for this to fix anything. I just want to clear my conscience."

Emory is silent for a few seconds and Pavel wonders if she hung up but she quietly says, "I'm sorry too." Pavel is confused for a few seconds and she clears her throat, starting to elaborate. "I was the one who started all this mess. I should never have gone after you because you were so messed up from Irina but I was wrong telling you that I'd be on the ship, giving you false hope like that. No wonder you shut down... You still shouldn't have left like you did but I guess I'm trying to say it wasn't entirely your fault."

"Thank you," Pavel says gently, moving into his bedroom and sitting on his bed. He wraps his arms around a pillow and holds it gently. "I didn't even expect you to pick up my call, I thought even if you did you'd be yelling and screaming or telling me you never wanted to see me again..."

"I would have if you'd called a few weeks ago. I've cooled down a little, spent some time thinking about everything. Oh, what about Karsen? Has he been any trouble? Sulu said he lifted you up by the shirt."

"He did do that, yes," Pavel confirms, placing a hand around his neck where he was lifted. "I haven't seen him since actually. I didn't think he was in Starfleet, how did he get all the way out here?"

"Long story actually. But Starfleet should be passing by a trading post sometime this week and Karsen basically operates the post. He needed a way out there and offered some goods as part of an agreement for passage out there. That's why he visited me at Starfleet a little while before you left."

"Ahh okay. I didn't really think asking him was a good idea. He was not in a good mood when we ran into one another."

"I am sorry about him. I told him what happened and he was pretty enraged. I should have explained things a little better but he's cooled down a bit now. What I really wanted to ask though was what happened with Irina? You must have been quite shaken."

Pavel remembers how much he loved talking to Emory and having her help him clear his mind. He missed just talking like this and lies down on his bed, looking at the ceiling. "Yes I was very shaken. Scotty called me down to engineering to see the new recruits that had come in and she was there. I mean, out of all people in the galaxy it had to be her right? I was thinking about how I could avoid her and she just came and sat down next to me in the mess hall."

"Sulu said you were fine and had a conversation with her?"

"The first time it happened I was. The next time I snapped and completely lost it, yelling at her, causing a huge scene and now it's on video and most of the ship has seen it."

"Ouch."

"Yeah, ouch. I haven't talked to her since but I was with Doctor McCoy in his office and she came in unannounced and that was really awkward."

"Are you okay?"

"I am now, I just don't know how to keep avoiding her. I really just wish she wasn't on the ship."

"Pavel, if something else happens with her or anything, I want you to feel like you can talk to me. I know I never replied before but we were good friends and I feel like neither of us want to lose that. I promise I'll start replying."

"Thank you, I've missed talking to you. You always had a weird way of sorting me out. Plus, you have your finals soon, don't you?"

"I do and I honestly think I might fail one of my classes without your help."

"I'd be glad to help out." Pavel feels himself smiling and presses the pillow onto his face. They say their goodbyes and hang up, Pavel feeling his chest become a thousand times lighter. He lets out a long breath and squeezes the pillow again. He smiles and presses his face into it again, trying not to wish it were Emory that he had next to him.