Nobis ✴︎ Pavel Chekov

Chapter Sixteen - Undone

"Do you ever think you'll tell me what happened?"

"Eventually," Pavel mutters, knowing that he should do so one day. He will when he can, knowing that Emory probably wants to know what happened. "Have you had any past relationships?" Pavel asks, realising he never asked her before.

She nods. "There've been a few. I'd say two serious ones, at least. A few more that barely lasted when I was younger sort of thing. But yeah, two that I would actually count. They were called Sal and Sampson. Sal lost interest in me and Sampson moved to the other side of the world as a chef. They were both nice guys but I guess circumstance just changed things. One of my 'flings' was only two weeks because the guy I was dating just started being a prick. He was too intense too quickly so yeah, that didn't last. That's about all though. Did you have anyone before Irina?"

"Only one other girl before Irina. Just a high school crush sort of thing. She was lovely but we couldn't really see each other and we were more so friends, I guess."

"Was she your first kiss?"

Pavel shakes his head. "That was Irina. She was basically my first everything. First kiss, first love, first heartbreak.

"It must have been hard." Pavel nods. He seems to have gone a little quiet in his anger or sadness, Emory isn't sure which. She figures both.

"I walked in on her, with another guy."

He covers his mouth, realising he blurted out something he didn't actually intend to. His hands linger near his mouth and fall very slowly. "I need to go," he mutters, standing up and swallowing uncomfortably. Emory stands up and tries to get him to sit down but he goes. He walks back to his room feeling a weird emptiness. His thoughts have gone quiet and he feels uncomfortably hot. Alec asks him how he is and he answers 'fine' quietly. He enters his room and Alec knows he's not fine and he messages Emory asking if they're okay. He doesn't get a reply but she's at his door not long after. She asks if he knows what happened between Pavel and his ex and he nods, telling her how much it messed him up. Emory tells him what happened and he sighs, knowing Pavel might need a while. He's the only other person who knows what happened between Pavel and Irina. They both look towards Pavel's room and back at each other. Emory nods, gently knocking on the door.

Pavel doesn't reply to the knocking but Emory goes in anyway. He's face down on his bed and doesn't move when Emory enters. She places a hand gently on his back and he still doesn't move.

"It's me." She says quietly. She figures he probably could have guessed it was either her or Alec but feels the need to talk anyway. There's a long silence and Emory just draws circles on Pavel's back. His face is covered by pillows but somehow, she knows he's not asleep.

"I'm really sorry," he mutters, still not moving.

"You don't need to be."

He gets up slowly and Emory can see the red in his eyes and the tear stains on his pillow. He wipes the corners of his eyes, not really caring that she knows he's crying. He trusts her and somehow it doesn't matter if she sees him vulnerable. She hugs him for a while and just sit quietly with one another.

"I thought it would hurt less after a while. I thought I'd be okay with acknowledging what happened. It still stings nearly as much as it did standing there, seeing what was happening. Will I ever be okay with this?"

Emory intertwines her hands with his. "You will be fine, eventually. Something like that isn't easy to get over."

Pavel nods but doesn't say anything. He doesn't really want to. He likes having Emory there with him, even if it is while he's breaking down. He likes having her hand in his too. It's setting off warning bells in one part of him but he's got too much else on his mind to really care enough to do anything about it. He leans on her shoulder and she lets go of his hand, using it instead to tangle her fingers in his curls. He grins a little, glad that she's got his back, or more literally, his hair.

After talking for a long long while, Emory and Pavel fall asleep together in his bed and wake up feeling hungry but content. Pavel wakes up spooning Emory again but he doesn't care this time. He's warm and he needs affection of some sort to take his mind away. He keeps replaying what happened in his head over and over again. As much as he doesn't want to watch it, it keeps replaying with every conscious thought. He sighs and buries his head into Emory's neck. He's not entirely sure if she's awake or not but doesn't think she'll care either way. Her skin is soft and she's warm in Pavel's arms. Emory moves and bit and Pavel figures she's still pretty much asleep so he stays curled around her. He starts wondering what would have happened if he had woken up in someone else's bed that morning after. If he'd never met Emory. He wonders where he'd be instead. The thought is a little scary. He's glad he has her, even if they're not technically together. 

The two finally get up later in the morning and eat quietly together. Pavel's still unsure if Emory was aware that they were cuddled up together. He wonders if she cares. He pushes his bowl away from him and rubs his eyes gently. She asks him if he's alright. He shrugs.

Emory leaves for class and Pavel has a shower, thinking about everything they talked about the night before. Emory always just has the words to say to make things better. He does feel a little better after talking to her, even if he doesn't tell her enough. He wonders what will happen when he's deployed. He has an unshakeable feeling of dread that Emory isn't going to be there will him. He can feel it as a coldness in his chest that doesn't seem to leave him. It gets worse the more he thinks about it so he leaves the thought alone, as much as he can anyway. 

(A/N)

Sorry it's been so long since the last update 

I spend too much time on my other pieces 

Thanks guys and enjoy xx