Nobis ✴︎ Pavel Chekov

Chapter Thirty Eight -The Mourning After (2nd Edition)

It takes a few days but Pavel finally gets himself to engineering, spending a few uninterrupted hours working with Scotty. Pavel aced transporter theory and helps to fix the ship's main one. Scotty doesn't say anything but the young Russian blows his mind sometimes. How Pavel can be so competent in so many areas and so insanely smart, he wonders how many people are born as gifted as him. Pavel works silently and pulls up the transporter sequencing on his PADD and spends about twenty minutes combing through the coding until he finds something. He shows it to Scotty and they agree that it could be causing the problem, writing up a draft to fix up the coding. Scotty finishes it and logs it into the computer to check it before adding it back into the transporter's coding. Pavel tells him he'll come help out after another shift later and goes back to his room, tired but content.

Emory passes all her exams, mainly thanks to so much tutoring from Pavel and a whole lot of luck. They talk for ages, Pavel telling her about the transporter and Emory telling him about one of the new staff members at work. He lies on his bed looking up at the ceiling and listening, tracing his fingers idly over his pillow. He curls his toes thinking of her and keeps thinking back to how she played with his hair. She asks him of he's okay, noticing that he zones out a little.

"I'm fine," he mutters. "Just get a little lost in thought sometimes."

"What are you thinking about?"

He pauses for a second, realising that anything he can come up with in the next few seconds will probably sound stupid so he opts for the truth. "I keep thinking about how you played with my hair... I know it's weird to keep coming back to and I don't really know why but..."

"It was nice, wasn't it?"

He smiles and breathes out a little. "It was, it was so nice. I wish I could that relaxed more often."

"I know, I'm trying Pav. I'm trying to get there."

His heart rate slowly climbs, thinking about her soft voice using his name and how much nicer it would be to hear it in person. "I miss you so much," he mutters, not even thinking and covering his mouth as soon as he says it. He could die in space, he needs to remind himself of that. He needs to stop getting attached and stop leading her on.

"I miss you too Pavel, Earth isn't quite the same without you."

His chest swells with longing and he closes his eyes. "I have to sleep but please, please get yourself here somehow. I miss you so much, I miss having you with me."

"Sleep well Pavel."

"Goodnight."

Pavel finds himself daydreaming way too often. He concentrates when he has to, namely on the bridge but as soon as his shift ends he gets lost thinking about Emory and having her with him on the ship. He wonders if he's doing more harm than good, making himself a little crazier rather than making him sane. He sticks a fork into his food and wonders if he'll see her again anytime soon. He hopes it won't be too long, it could easily be years from now. It could be never, worst case scenario. He wishes he'd stayed with her in Russia; that he'd held her and kissed her exactly like he'd planned to.

The ship starts falling into an uncomfortable pattern of similarity. Day in, day out, the same routine, the same people. Pavel wonders how he'll deal with having the rest of his life like this. He wonders if he's just melancholy because the one thing, in this case person, he craves most is so far away. He looks out his window into space and feels a little better. Regardless of how lonely he feels, he still has the whole universe with him, something he can't forget.

Irina stays out of sight and out of mind for a long while until she gets drunk again. Pavel gets drunk again too, and so do most of the people in the rec room. Kirk is holding some sort of party to keep everyone from slipping into madness. Drunk Irina hovers around Pavel because he's one of the few who can translate. She laughs stupidly and keeps drinking, Pavel letting himself do the same to forget everything that's happening for a little while. Irina eyes off just about any man who doesn't have a girl holding onto him, including Pavel. She stays by him and nudges him affectionately, laughing and telling him anything that comes to her mind. He just laughs, he's far too drunk to be nervous. She looks at him affectionately and puts a hand gently on his cheek. He forgot how soft her hands were and smiles, closing his eyes and trying to pretend it's Emory there with him. She pulls him from the rec room and leads him through the ship. He's still too drunk to pick up what's happening.

As soon as they cross the door into Irina's room, everything gets a little messy. She kisses Pavel's neck, he closes his eyes and doesn't object, sitting against her bed and just trying to enjoy it. She pulls his hands onto her hips, hoping he'll take the lead from there. He doesn't, just keeping things as they are and gently squeezing her sides. Her skin is so freakishly soft, that's always been something he's adored about her. She uses hand creams and body scrubs from a shop back on Earth, all different colours and fragrances. Pavel remembers bathing with her and all the stuff she'd try and put on him. It was relaxing and it was unique. Something about her that he found particularly sweet for a reason he never knew. He thinks back to all their affectionate moments, letting it transpose into affectionate touches, gentle kisses. He's too drunk to feel guilty, too hazed to let any reasoning help him out. She presses against him, loving that he's responding back to her. They lie down, still kissing, still connected. Pavel wonders how far he'll let himself go.

Morning is a nightmare. Pavel finds his way into the bathroom, emptying his stomach into the toilet and trying to figure out whose room he's in. He remembers nothing, he feels just like he did waking up in Emory's room all that time ago. He washes his face, noticing the obvious bruise up his neck. He swallows.

Irina

Oh God, Irina

He examines himself, noticing his belt is unbuckled and his shirt is gone, he sticks his head out the bathroom and sees his shoes near the door. He tiptoes back into her room and sees his shirt on the floor,along with Irina's and her skirt as well. He wonders if they had sex, he wonders just how badly he's messed up. His empty stomach churns, desperate for proof that nothing bad happened. He fears he may never find it. He panics and picks up his shirt, leaving her room as quickly as he can and buckling his belt before he goes into the corridor. His shoe laces are undone, his hair is a mess and the hickey on his neck sticks out like a beacon. He keeps his head down and walks fast, hoping no one will notice him shuffling through the Enterprise halls.