Carlos
"hey guys," George greeted as him and Jake walked onto the field.
"hey Georgie," José greeted. "hey, Jake,"
I was standing near second base, a piece of gum hanging from my lips while my eyes were closed.
I knew I should have probably greeted them, but I couldn't stand to look at Jake's face, especially knowing that he had still been talking to Jezabelle and I wasn't.
"hey Carlos," Jake greeted as he usually did.
he had no idea that I knew about how close he was with Jezabelle, and was still trying to act normal around me.
I didn't say anything in return, just blew a bubble with my gum.
practice went by in a blur. I went through the motions without missing a beat, just as I usually did, but my passion was missing.
I had no more love, no more energy, no more purpose – all of that was in Colorado.
the guys all went back into the clubhouse, but I stayed behind for a bit to clean off the marks on my glove. anything to keep me away from Jake.
the guy was still my best friend, but I was afraid that I would say something way too out of proportion and let my anger get the best of me.
my phone began to ring loudly from the bench where I had left it and I grabbed it quickly, hoping that it would be Jezabelle calling.
when I saw the first letter of her name, my heart jumped and I answered the phone without any hesitation, but then I suddenly had nothing to say.
my words failed me and I completely forgot how to talk.
"Carlos?" she asked.
I let out a shaky breath, hoping she would hear it. I still didn't have any words to say. I couldn't even say her name.
"can you say something?"
"hi," I said, lamely. my tongue felt swollen and heavy.
"how are you?"
"just peachy," I replied a bit harshly. I didn't want to push her away, but I also wanted her to know how badly she had hurt me. "you?"
"well...that's why I called..." her voice rang through my head and I couldn't help but let my eyes flutter shut as I listened to her talking.
I didn't comprehend any words, and I didn't care to. I was just enjoying the sound of her voice while I still could.
I felt like she would be gone in any moment, and I would never hear her voice ever again.
I missed her more than anything. I tried to play it off in front of the guys and make them think that I was fine, but I was far from fine.
the days seemed to drag on more than usual, doing my work-outs was a chore, and playing baseball didn't even bring me joy anymore.
I hadn't even thought about trying to "get over her" or "move on" because I knew that there was no way she could just drop me like that and never speak to me again.
even if it took her a year – hell, even ten years – I would still be waiting for her return.
but the fact that she was talking to Jake and not me chipped away at the idea of waiting for her.
maybe she had started to get over me? maybe that was why she was acting so distant before she left – did she lose interest in me and grow to like Jake?
