Just Friends

June 9th

     Monday, the day before Ethan returned to college. I've missed him. I visited him Thursday, the day before he was due to be released from hospital. He asked me to give him until Tuesday. That he had things to sort out. I offered to help although his stubborn self refused.
     Mark walked over during lunch today and we ate together. The awkwardness of it all didn't allow me to enjoy it as much as I should've done. He kept saying, "So." Like a weird amount of times. At least ten times. Then he asked me out to go out with this evening, which I stupidly accepted. I should've cut it off with him there and then, but I didn't have the courage. I decided I'd tell him later at dinner. I'm rehearsing over in my head what I'm going to say to him to stop our dating. We're meeting at the restaurant we had our first date in. I've never done this before, never. I at least wanted to give him the decency of telling him in person, surely that is the right thing to do. I've heard people end it over the phone and it doesn't end well. My palms were sweating as I grabbed the handle to the restaurant door. "Deep breaths, deep breaths." I'm sure Mark will be fine. He won't be too heartbroken losing little old me. I recognised the back of his head as I entered the restaurant.
     "Hi." I said as I slid onto my seat.
     "Hi." He replied.
     "How are you?" I asked, the only thing in my head was, how long do I leave it until I tell him? Do I tell him now or leave it until later?
     "I'm dreadful, what about you?" He replied.
     "What's wrong?" I asked.
     He sighed, "Turns out my mum has been cheating on my dad with our neighbour for the past three weeks. They're getting divorced, it's like a war zone at home right now."
     I glanced down at his hands. He held a glass of scotch in his hand. His eyes were watery. A mixture of tears and alcohol. How could I break the news to him now? The last thing he needed was more bad news. Maybe I was being too considerate.
     "I'm so sorry to hear that Mark, but I really need to talk to you." I sucked in all my courage and decided to go for it. It would give it time to marinate. "With everything that's going off right now, I'm not ready for a relationship. There are too many things happening in my life and the time isn't there for you. I'm so sorry to tell you this now, it's the last thing you need, but I didn't want to mislead you." I felt so bad telling him this now although I knew if I didn't tell him now I'd feel ten times worse later. It'd only mislead him more.
     "Oh no, it's fine. I'm seeing somebody else anyway. At least let's have something to eat and let me walk you home?"
     To be honest I'm surprised I didn't throw my drink in his face. He's seeing someone else and just dismissed it as if wasn't a big deal. I wanted to stand up and leave. Instead I stupidly stayed and as time passed Mark continued to drink more scotch. He attracted more and more attention to our table so I called the waiter over to pay for our bill. I tried calling Mark a taxi although he insisted on walking me home. He was managing to walk rather sensibly so I let him walk with me to save causing a scene. I called him a taxi once we arrived at my front door.
     "Well, you take care Mark." I said as I placed the key into the door.
     "I will do, August." He slurred his words to the point they were almost unrecognizable.
     I nervously laughed. The taxi couldn't arrive soon enough. I know Mark was going through a tough time at home, but it's no excuse to be an asshole. I'm going through a tough time too, but I don't solve my problems with alcohol or see other people. I guess people solve their problems differently. I stayed with him to make sure he got into the taxi ok. I didn't like the idea of him hanging outside my house drunk. I leant myself against the door and closed my eyes for a moment. I opened them to find Mark's face attached to mine. He was kissing me. I immediately tasted the scotch and felt like throwing up. I pushed him away as hard as my arms allowed me.
     "What do you think you're doing?" A few alterations may have been made to what I said.
     "Come on babe, don't be frigid. Let's go inside." Mark grabbed me by my waist, pulling me in to him, kissing me once again, and groping my behind.
     I used all my strength to try and release myself from his grasp, but I wasn't strong enough. I shifted my head away from his. The only part of me capable to force away from him.
     "Mark, get off me! No!" I yelled.
     I nearly called for help before I remembered a program I watched on TV about self-defense. There wasn't an alternative, I readied my knee and jolted it between his legs. His grasp instantly released. He stumbled backwards holding himself. As I turned to open the door he swung me back and smacked me across the face. Causing me to fall and hit my cheek on the side of the door handle. The pain shot through me like a bullet, I quickly returned to my feet in a panic. My hands struggled to turn the key as I fiddled with the lock. The door came to my saviour and finally opened. Madeline stood there wide-eyed with shock implanted on her face. I pushed her back and slammed the door behind us forcing my back against it.
     "Lock the door, lock it." I shouted.
     She lifted the handle and turned the key. I dropped to the floor with my head in my hands. "Thanks Sis, you're a real life saver. Me and my friends were playing a game, and I was trying to hide from them." I could sense her looking down at me silently. I parted my fingers and glanced up at her.
     "Tag?" She asked with a blank expression poised upon her innocent face.
     "Yes, yes, tag, I'm the winner!" I murmured through my hand.
     I turned and peeked through the keyhole to check if Mark had gone. The pain running through the corner of my left caused me to squint. I caught the back of the taxi speeding away. I sighed and returned my face back into my hands.
     "Madeline, why don't you go upstairs? Is Mum and Dad home?"
     "They went out for food. I'm getting ice cream, don't tell Mum or Dad and I won't tell them about you and your friends playing tag." Madeline said, she's exceptional at making arrangements.
     "Deal," I shouted. I peeked through my fingers to see her skipping towards the kitchen. I stumbled to my feet and ran upstairs. The pain on the side of my face gradually increased with each step I took. I closed my bedroom door shut and raced over to the mirror. The whole side of my eye had gone red. No cutting or bruising surrounded my eye, just redness. Tears had filled my eyes, blurring my sight. I walked back downstairs. My face required something frozen to help numb the pain. Madeline had stood on a kitchen chair, reaching into the freezer for her beloved ice cream. I leant past her, grabbing a bag of frozen vegetables, gently placing it against my tender skin. I returned to my bedroom, closing the door behind me and sat on my bed and cried. As the tears rolled down my face, reality sank in. I'm so disappointed and disgusted. I genuinely believed Mark was a nice guy. The thought of seeing him at college tomorrow terrified me. It's Ethan's first day back tomorrow as well. I rolled over, sinking my head into my pillow. What is he going to say if he finds out? I hadn't even told him about seeing Mark. I felt like crawling into a hole and never coming out. I tucked myself into a ball, resting my hand under my face to keep the frozen vegetables in place and shut my eyes.