Dear Diary

19

Chapter Nineteen

***

   Everyone is gone. I pretended to be sick so I could avoid Asher, and now I am alone. But it is okay because sometimes being alone helps you think. It didn't help me think last night though.

   Normally when you want to be alone, you are left alone, but that isn't the way it works right now, because the doorbell rings. I groan and walk over to my door and open it, and the person standing in the door way is the last person I want to see right now. 

   "What are you doing here, Asher?" I ask, barley a whisper. He doesn't answer my question and just barges in. "Hey-"

   "Would you like to explain why you bailed on me yesterday and you're not at school today!" he yells which makes me flinch. He sighs and walks up to me, pulling me into a hug. "I'm sorry." I hug him back. 

   "I don't want to talk about it, Asher," I whisper. My voice is groggy and scratchy from crying all night. 

   "What's wrong? Please. Tell me," he pleads. 

It's you. 

   "Nothing," I whisper again. When I look into his eyes, they are pleading, begging for answers. Answers that I don't have, that he doesn't have. I can't give them to him. 

   "Elle," he starts, backing away from me. "I know there is something wrong-

Everything. 

   -so just tell me." I breath a heavy breath before trying to speak. 

   "It's you Asher. I can't fall for you and that is exactly what I am doing. I can't fall for another Alex, I am sorry," I say and he steps closer to me so there is only centimeters between us. 

   "I am not like Alex," he replies. 

   "And how do I know that?" I question. He places his hand on my cheek and grazes my cheek bone. 

   "Because of this," he says, leaning in, his lips so close to mine I can feel his minty breath. Finally, his lips make contact with mine and I let all the worry slip away. 

   I should pull away

   But I don't 

   And I won't

   Our lips move in sync and it is like every question has been answered. But how can I still trust him? How do I know that this is just a game for him? 

   I put my hands to his muscular chest and softly push him away. He obey's. A look of worry and guilt flashes over his face. Tears build up in my eyes and I break down, falling to the floor. 

   I know realize everything as I looked into his eyes. I saw that I am not good enough for him, that he deserves better. I have been acting like a complete jerk when all he has wanted to do was be there for me. I pushed him away while I needed him the most. 

   He fell to the floor with me and held me in his arms, rocking me just like the night when everything happened with dad. I felt protected in his strong arms. That as long as Asher is here, nothing can hurt me. But, I have already hurt myself by pushing him away. 

   I now realize that I need Asher, but maybe he doesn't need me. 

   "Hey, lets get you upstairs. We'll lay down and watch movies all day if you want," he says, picking me up bridal style. I smile as he carry's me to my room and sets me on my bed. I get comfortable and he crawls in next to me. He turns on my t.v. and puts on Netflix. "What movie?"

   "Mean Girls," I reply. He sighs but turns it on anyways. 

   He really is nothing like Alex. 

   Alex would've never watched Mean Girls with me.

   Alex would've never done any of this stuff for me.

   It's all Asher, and I have been pushing him away like he is nothing. 

   I don't deserve him, yet, he always comes back...

***

   A/N

   Yes, I know this chapter is short. I am sorry. I love you forever and ever and ever, okay?

Don't forget to share, comment, and vote.

Much love,

   -Alyssa