Crossover Crossroads (The Kell and Maille Story)

It Wasn't Really That Bad

Maille dreamed hazily for a while, hugging sleep to her. But there was a certain ache in her mid-section, a heat in her right arm and a powerful thirst that plagued her. She knew she was hurt. She knew it was the

most she'd ever been hurt in her life, and was glad that it really wasn't that bad. But she would have to heal. She wished profusely that she hadn't run into that barbed wire fence. She opened her eyes.

The first things she saw were Kell's dreads next to her. Then she felt his whole body beside her. She could feel him along the edge of the bed, not under the blanket, on her left side. His face was away from hers, his arms tucked under him. 

"Um hmm." she cleared her throat.

"Yeah?" he whispered sleepily.

"Can I have a drink of water? I'd get it myself, but I think I'm pinned down."

A hand reached out to the nightstand, fumbled around and gingerly picked up the glass of water. He turned then and slid off the bed and went to hand it to her. Maille tried to sit up, she felt a strong hand against her back. She made it, very stiffly. She drank the proffered water and then eased herself back to the pillows. The hand against her back supported her, and then slid out from under her.

Kell sat in the armchair he'd pulled up next to the bed and put his feet up on the bed.

"Did my parents talk to you?" she croaked, and cleared her throat again.

He nodded and drew in a deep breath.

"I'm sorry."

Kell shook his head. "Why? Because you have parents who care? Don't be sorry, Maille Mann. I should have anticipated the mood you were in. It is my fault."

Maille's eyes closed. "How could it be your fault, Kell? I made a choice, I am responsible for my actions, and my actions were stupid, and thoughtless, and have inconvenienced everyone."

"Yes." Kell agreed.

Maille opened her eyes and gave him a look.

"I had plans for today." he said.

"What plans?"

"Can't tell you now." he gave her his under the lids narrowed look.

"Visiting Myndee?"

"Partly."

"What else?"

"Have to change my plans now."

"Will we still do what you originally planned?" she'd found that she liked Kell's plans very much.

"Yes.'' he said and then leaned forward and took her hand and laced his fingers through it, rubbing the knuckles absently.

"What?" she sensed he wanted to say something.

"I need to apologize."

Maille raised her brows, knowing to what he was referring. She wasn't sure she wanted to discuss that knowledge right now. She wasn't sure how to react and she had put off reacting. She remembered the revelatory moment in the hospital, as she was drifting in and out of pain-filled consciousness, so upset, more upset than she'd ever been in her life. 

It must have scared him. He knew part of her confusion stemmed from her feelings for him. And her ultimate feeling of rejection. She swallowed hard as a lump centered in her throat.

"I lied to you. From the start. I am not. .. gay." he said. "I never was."

"But being gay made you very safe."

"You trusted me because you thought you were safe."

''But I have been having feelings... yesterday and... last night. I didn't understand."

"You know ... a girl could still be attracted to a gay guy. I mean, he is still a guy, no?"

Maille swallowed again. She took in his sweet pleading eyes, at his dark rimmed lashes, at his swarthy skin, above the pointy mustache and beaded goatee.

"I wish you hadn't felt you had to lie to me."

Kell hung his head, biting his lips together and to the side, chewing them in genuine shame. She touched a finger to his cheek, reached behind and fondled his ear. She ran her hand over the tight dreads at his temple, smoothed them between her fingers.

"I'm not sorry you lied to me."

His eyes darted up to hers, blue meeting brown in wonder and hope. "It has troubled me—that I lied to you. I didn't exactly plan that, you must believe me."

She swallowed a large breath. "I was skittish, obviously a prude. I don't know the first thing about relationships, and----." She chuckled. "I don't know the first thing about gay guys."

Kell snorted, rubbing his forehead between his fingers. "You're right about that."

Maille noticed his expression. "I would not have been safe with a gay guy?"

"Safe? Safe? Safe? How did I come up with that thought? What is safe? Your virtue?" He finally glanced up at her waiting expectantly for him to explain it to her. "If someone, anyone wanted to hurt you, or take your virtue by force, Maille Mann, it would not necessarily be an act of lust. It would be an act of violence. In that sense, your martial arts training would be far more valuable than supposedly being with a man who did not find you attractive."

She digested that, feeling stupid. "But you always said I was safe with you."

He shrugged. "Yes. Yes, I did. Because you are."

"Because you are not attracted to me?"

He smiled at her naïveté . "You were safe because I am not the kind of man who would take advantage of you. Some women can sense this when they meet a man, and most of the time their instincts serve them well. You--- have these instincts as well, Maille Mann. And you sensed this about me, even though I gave you a plausible excuse to pacify you. You already knew I would not harm you, and this seemed to satisfy you. But in your heart, I think you felt the attraction right from the start."

Maille stared at him with wide eyes. She had felt attracted to him. She knew it. He was watching her reaction, waiting for her to realize it.

"And you? Did you really just want a dinner companion?" Her smile flirted at the corner of her lips, remembering the pool, the field above the temple. She already knew the answer, and it made her proud of herself that she did. When had she become versed in these feelings?

His bent his neck again, fingering the goatee. But that same flirty smile played across his features lighting his eyes when he glanced back up at her.

"Initially, you just wanted a dinner----."

"No, I did not, Maille Mann. I have no need of gleaning dinner companions from the costume wardrobe. It was you. So miserable and hurt by the unkind things you had overheard. I sought only to alleviate your pain."

"Then why did you keep me?" She realized in an unorthodox way that he had kept her. He'd barely been out of her sight in the last week more than a few minutes at a time.

His shoulders shook with his amusement. "How to answer that?"

She leaned carefully against her pillows, waiting.

The silence between them arched across time and space by itself building a fragile bond, finding forgiveness, and realizing intentions.

"Ah... Maille Mann." He finally looked up. "Because I wanted to."

"It's only been five days." she drew in her breath sharply. "Why?"

Kell bent his head, capturing her palm and pressing his lips to it. "I don't know." he said against her. "I honestly don't know."

"I've never... I've never..."

"Had a boyfriend?" he supplied.

*****