Crossover Crossroads (The Kell and Maille Story)

You Can't Follow Her

051: You can't follow her

Several people entered the room quickly and stood watching the little tableau, and then gently began to unhook Myndee's body from its monitors. Someone took Myndee from Maille and before she could protest, Kell turned her and held her tightly, restraining her and comforting her at the same time. She struggled with him. Words of denial coming from her lips, words of tortured reassurance coming from his. Maille shook.

Over her head, Kell saw a nurse coming with a shot for her. He shook his head slightly and the man simply stood there. Kell eased himself and Maille off the bed. He pulled her unresisting form into his arms. She was barely keeping herself upright. 

He supported her out to the lobby and sat her there on the couch, doubled over. Several people came and asked him questions and had him sign papers. As quickly as possible he took care of these things.

"Come on." he urged Maille out to his car, got her in it and then drove to his house. He got her out, alarmed at the way she simply stared ahead.

He took her into the room overlooking the city and sat her against the wall. He got her some water. She didn't drink it.

"Maille, where are you going? You can't follow her. Come back to me. I need you."

Maille's eyes cleared. "Kell?"

Kell smiled through his pointy mustache and beaded goatee. He watched her look around.

"I'm going to be sick." she said and she was... throwing up all over herself and him and his carpet.

He held her head as she heaved for some time, nothing coming up. Then she looked up, her eyes watering, her nose red.

Kell breathed his train whistle breath, let it out and then smiled. "Well," he said with a touch of asperity. "I definitely pictured holding a girl while she threw up someday...when she was pregnant."

Maille's head shot up "What?"

"Well, I thought I'd be a sympathetic hubby when my wife had morning sickness."

"I don't have..." she glanced at him. "Oh, Kell. I'm sorry. Let me clean this up."

"Nah, let's leave it for the dogs." he helped her stand up and smiled gently.

Maille's throat clenched at his words and she put her hand to her mouth and ran frantically for the downstairs bathroom. He heard the door slam and he bit his lips.

Maille flushed the toilet and then glanced at herself in the mirror. She looked awful. She ran the water in the shower and took off her smelly clothes. Then she stood under the hot water. Not thinking. 

No more thoughts, no more trying to understand.

The glass walls of the shower steamed up, but Maille was in no hurry to get out. She let the water caress her, turning her red.

Kell came in through the hot tub door. He glanced at her in the shower to see if she was okay. Her eyes were closed, but her arms were up, smoothing water through her hair. He turned away pointedly and laid soft lightweight pants, underwear and a large soft t-shirt on the counter.

Maille got out a little while later, not caring, but knowing that Kell would have been there. He would probably have already done her laundry. She dried off and dressed in the clothes he'd laid out, knowing he didn't have a bra for her, and he hadn't left hers. She didn't care. She felt numb.

There was a hair dryer. She took her time and dried her hair, putting lotion on her arms and hands.

Her eyes were red-rimmed, swollen, but there were no more immediate tears. She was really numb.

Eventually, she left the bathroom and found Kell lying on the floor in his living room staring at the ceiling. She leaned against the wall with her arms folded feeling a little sheepish for throwing up all over him. She hadn't failed to notice that he was wearing the exact same thing as her. She smiled inwardly, a little wearily, but not without the smile. He did love to dress her, didn't he? And he loved for her to wear his clothes. She'd missed him this past week.

"Megan told me you bought a car." he said in the darkness, the lights from the city once again their only illumination.

"And a house." she affirmed. "It's actually just up from here. You could walk there."

''Franny told me you sewed all day one day."

Maille bit her lip. She couldn't answer. The pain was too fresh, too new, too undiscovered.

Kell rolled over on his side and propped himself up on his elbows. "You see, even though I was absent from your side, I was keeping tabs on you."

She didn't know what to say to that.

"Come here, Maille.'' he whispered.

Maille started to push herself off the wall and then thought better of it. What she really valued right now wasn't what he might be offering her. She didn't want a repeat of their last traumatic event.

Wasn't that what had scared him away from her in the first place? She was deeply committed to not driving him away. She wanted him to like her for herself and what she had to offer him as a person, not what her body had to offer.

He patted the carpet next to him. "I cleaned up the mess. You can't get it on you. Come here, come here, come here."

She loved his voice when he did that ... his low soft, accented voice. She loved that voice. It was very hard not to obey. She could barely see him in the dark and that made it easier. If she were looking into his warm blue eyes, she might not be able to resist him. The urge to be comforted, even if all he wanted was to hold her safe and secure, was very tempting. But she had to rely on herself. She wasn't ready to play the part she'd played the other morning. The memory of his more passionate kisses stirred her too easily.

And there was too much pain on the surface to dig into her reasons for not wanting to have more.

Her mind was still unfocused. Clinically she figured that having witnessed a very emotional and spiritual event tonight she was entitled to be feeling out of sorts, maybe even a little in shock. That would explain why she'd thrown up. It would explain her disorientation. It would explain her reluctance to be close to him. She hadn't grieved so personally before. Not for someone she'd held in her arms as they died. She wasn't sure how to behave, but the new Maille, the one Kell had shown a different more independent side of life, was taking it one moment at a time.

Kell stretched out on his back when he realized she wasn't coming. She wasn't automatically doing his bidding. Either she was still in shock, or she was afraid of him. He voted for both.

"Hey Maille, then lie down on the carpet, somewhere away from me. Just standing there makes me think you might pass out."

Maille slid to the floor, but didn't stretch out although now she did want to.

******