Chaotic Mess.

1: So Close Yet So Far.

"You see how fate works? She was the girl who broke herself to set my broken pieces into place, not caring for once how much her hands ached as the broken glass pieces pricked her soft milky skin. She wiped my tears forgetting about the saltish crystals in her beautiful eyes. Her hands worked like feathers mixed with pain killers everytime she would press mine a little more gently when I was a mess!

Now I see her outside her house as I come back after a year or so of undying memories after she molded me into a perfect being. She is sitting on the stairs of the porch of her house in a cold, sad december morning, eyes glued on the clouds up in the morning sky, thoughts stuck in fairytales playing in her mind and heart beating ever so slowly.

My heart is telling me to run upto her, embrace her in my arms and let the eyes bowl out everything I had ever held in but damn! the distance between us I can never cross!

That day when she was leaving she said, "We are not destined to be love and your are better off without me. Love her more than you ever loved me as she is the girl who loved you more than I ever did!" I let her go. I couldn't hold on as it was killing her but she smiled ever so gently ignoring the tear which flickered on the corner of her brown oceans.

You see? I'm happyily moving on with my life. I loved the girl she told me to love and she is damn amazing but somewhere deep in my heart I wonder about the girl I fell in love with for the first time. The girl who taught me how to love. The girl who broke her own heart to prevent mine from breaking.

I think, "But ohh darling! What about your pain? What about your aching heart and all the sleepless nights you spent in agony. What about the dreams you crushed. What about the struggles to remove me from your memory?"

I walk closer towards her and her eyes meet mine and It seems like I found home once again as if after wandering in a sunny desert I found a little water to wet my dry parched throat.

I pass her a smile as I greet her. "Hi" I say gulping the lump in my throat.

"Hi! How is life?" She replies ver so sweetly like always, her voice calming the demons of past.

I tell her about my life and when I ask her about hers she falls silent and after a prolonged silence she says, "Pray that I might find someone" At this moment my eyes flutter shut making the guilt raise in my heart.

I turn back all ready to leave when she says "I'm happy to see you happy!" I try to smile at her but before my muscles could even move my eyes let the small tear roll off of my waterline.

I walk faster and faster so as to go away to hide somewhere.

I think, " But Ohh darling! can't you see the tears in my eyes when I think of you, can't you feel the rackless, beating of my heart as I stand right infront of you. Can't you hear my uneven breaths? But Ohh darling how can I ever forget my first love?

I wana come back and I wana give you everything you lost. But Ohh darling! You are so close yet so far!"

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Here is to the people who lost their first love. :) I wrote this to portray the feelings of people who went through this.

I hope you liked it :) ♡