Chaotic Mess.

43: So Close Yet So Far - 2

"You see how fate works? He was the guy who loved me when no one else did, not caring for once how flawed I was. His words worked like melodious rhythms of music, everytime he would comfort me when I was a mess. He would invest all his time just to be by my side whenever I would break down. He was kind and loving, a beautiful defination of humanity.

Now I see him standing at a little distance from my house. His hair messy as if he has run his fingers through them so many times, lips slightly open, eyes still full of untold stories from the times I have missed and heart beating ever so slowly.

I've seen him but maybe he doesn't know as he debate on do he really want to face me or not? I wait for him to come to me as I sit there at the porch of my house and glue my eyes on the sky.

My heart is telling me to run upto him and let my tears flow on his shoulder as I hug him close to me but damn! The distance between us I can never cross!

That day when I was leaving he said, "Maybe we would meet in another world and write our story with a happy ending. Where no distances, no circumstances would ever separate us. Maybe then we will have our together forever?" I let my tears flow as I couldn't hold them in any longer but I smiled up at him and muttered, "Maybe!"

You see? I have been trying my level best to not to let the blurred imagines, spent senarios of him haunt me but I never moved on. I loved him so much but perhaps she loved him even more or maybe she is just lucky to have him. I'm doing fine but at times I wonder about the guy who I fell in love with for the first time. The guy with whome I learned how loving someone works. The guy for whome I broke myself and gave him to someone else who was deserving. Who could keep him happy.

He said he wanted me but I still had to leave. I think, " But ohh darling! what about the pain I caused you? What about the sleepless nights I gave you? What about the struggle to keep me happy? What about the scars you got when you tried to fight with my darkness?"

He walks closer towards me and his eyes meet mine and it seems like I found peace once again as if after living in autums I found a cool breeze of spring to blossom my cold, dead heart.

He passes me a smile as he greet me. I gulp the lump in my throat as my surroundings begin to fade in thin air.

"Hi! How is life?" I ask him dying to know that I made a right decision, to know that he is having the life of his dreams.

He tell me about his life and I take a sigh of relief. He goes on telling me stories of how she always bring a smile on his face. But then he ask me about my life and I just fall silent not having the courage to tell him my sorrows and miserable condition.

"Pray that I might find someone" I manage to utter as I smile. But my heart sink deep when I see his eyes being flutter shut as if he is trying to supress the fact that I have lost the feeling of being loved since I lost him.

He turn back all ready to leave. He is hurting, I know. "I'm happy to see you happy!" I whisper slowly before he vanish in the morning fog. His happiness was all I have always wanted.

He just walk away not sparing another glance at me. I feel my heart breaking into pieces, I want to go, run away and hide somewhere in a place where I won't feel anymore.

I think, "But ohh darling! why are you hiding from me? I see the tears in your eyes, hear the reckless beating of your heart. I feel your uneven breaths. I know you can never forget your first love. But ohh darling the fate has already been written. "We" don't exist anymore.

I want to fall asleep in your arms and get all the love I never got. But ohh darling you are so close yet so far!"

......

It is the second part of the first chapter of this book.

I hope I did justice to portray the girl's feelings as much I did to show the guy's :) ♡