ultraviolet

twenty

A TOUGH CALL

~

"I CHOOSE..." I PAUSED, contemplating my choice.

As I anxiously gnawed on my bottom lip, I watched both Taehyung and Jungkook hold a steady, intense gaze with me, with their shoulders rising and falling up and down as they panted heavily. My heart sank to the abyss of my stomach, and my face flushes a ghostly white. I felt my lips separate slightly as if I were to speak, but I fail to utter a word, more or less even breathe out from my mouth. I was all out of tears at this point, so crying vigorously again wasn't exactly a choice.

My eyes veered towards Taehyung, whose swollen, pink lips quivered as the corner of his mouth bled a dark, ruby red. Without a doubt, I was in love with him. Why does he have such an unnerving effect on me? His overwhelming good looks maybe? The way his eyes blaze at me? The way he strokes his index finger against his lower lip? I wish he'd stop doing that. His gaze is intense, all humor gone, and strange muscles deep in my belly clench suddenly. I tear my eyes away from his scrutiny and avert my attention to...

Jungkook.

My feelings for him are so undescribable that I, myself, cannot understand them. One thing's for sure, I have fallen for someone who's so emotionally shut down, I will only get hurt—deep down I know this—someone who by his own admission is completely fucked up. Why is Jungkook so fucked up? It must be awful to be as affected as he is, and the thought that as a child he suffered some unbearable depression makes me cry harder. Perhaps if he was more normal he wouldn't want you, my subconscious contributes snidely to my musings...and in my heart of hearts I know this is true.

Right here and now, it all comes down to whoever's name spills out from between my lips. I was scared. Not for myself, but for them. I knew that the one I didn't chose would feel as if I've been ripped out of his life. All because my decision was to be with the other. My blood is running heated and scared through my system—adrenaline mixed with lust and longing. It's a heady, potent cocktail.

I wanted both of them, but if I don't choose, the occurring battle between them would march on, as if another world war would erupt.

At last, I knew my choice.

Hanging my head low, I take a step forward, staring blindly down at my knotted fingers. My heartbeat quickens each step that I take towards Taehyung and Jungkook, hurting my being both physically and emotionally. I couldn't gather the courage to lift my face, let alone allow my eyes to gaze up at either of them. As the distance between them and I diminishes, I feel my legs start to grow weak, and all of sudden I was top-heavy. I panic as my knees begin to tremble and shudder, and soon enough, I stumble through, tripping over my own feet and descending headfirst towards the hardwood floor.

"Yah!" both Taehyung and Jungkook cry in unison.

It all happens so fast—one minute I'm falling, the next I'm in Taehyung's arms and he's holding me tightly against his chest. I inhale his clean, wholesome scent. He smells of freshly laundered linen and some expensive body wash. It's intoxicating. I inhale deeply.

"S-Sorry," Taehyung apologizes. He releases me, his hands by his sides, and I'm standing in front of the two of them feeling like a fool.
With a shake, I clear my head. I just want to go. All my vague, unarticulated hopes have been dashed.

"Taehyung," I spit out, breathing heavily after.

"Huh?" he murmurs, furrowing his brows in confusement.