ultraviolet

twenty eight

WHERE DOES MY HEART LEAD ME TO?

~

(First Name)'s POV:

WITHOUT ANY WORDS SPOKEN, Jungkook and I walked to the nearby bus stop, our fingers remaining interlocked only by a thread. As we approached closer and closer to the construction, still images of Taehyung's expression ran through my mind. His brows, furrowed in puzzlement. His wide eyes, full of misery and thick tears. His lips, quivering with remorse. It was almost as if he had seen a ghost, though he was only left petrified at the sight of me running hand-in-hand with Jungkook, his one and only rival from childhood. Bringing myself back to reality, I consciously slow my pace down in an attempt to distance myself from Jungkook. In the act of allowing my fingertips to leave his, Jungkook stopped in his tracks just before the bus stop, and without turning around, he immediately intertwined my fingers with his once again.

"Don't let go," he demanded, exhaling. "Let me hold your hand for once, please.."

I opened my mouth as to say something but quickly shut it, terrified as the words I might say are not up to par with my genuine feelings.

Taehyung, the boy I had fallen in love with from the first day we met, is undoubtedly not the same boy now. His present self is unable to decipher feelings other than his own. He's selfish, only wanting to provide needs and wants for himself. Being as though his priority right now is to have me to himself, it's useless, because it appears as if it's no longer genuine for him. His love for me seems... artificial.

I miss the old Taehyung. I miss his smile. I miss his laugh. I miss his tears. I miss his touch. I miss his kisses. However, despite my want to go back into the past and bring his young, affectionate heart back to life, it's impossible at this point. Even if I were to continue to try to reach down deep inside of him, I know for a fact that I would be stopped by the burns and scars of his past which have wounded him permanently. Maybe... Just maybe... I could try to touch him with another purpose in mind.

Jungkook, the boy who has given me warmth different from others who have come and gone in my life, has definitely carved his first impression in my mind and in my heart since my return. It's like every time we are reunited, there's some unseen force that obligated him to show off his delinquent character. At first, I hated him, ignorant of whether or not he also changed over the years we've been apart. Be that as it may, the night we found him on the street beat up, I knew for sure he was still the same.

As I was informed that he had lost his family during our youth, I could tell that Jungkook hadn't lost himself. His tears were so genuine. I mean, many people would cry about losing family members, but it's been almost a decade since their deaths. While most would give up at some point in their life after having someone succumb to death, Jungkook... differed from the majority. He hasn't lost his passion for athletics. He hasn't lost his passion for drawing. Most of all, he hasn't lost his passion for his family.

Yet after all this time, I can't break down the reason as to why he's fighting Taehyung for me. Is it passion? Or... competition?

"(First Name)," said Jungkook, snapping me back to reality. "The bus is here."

Remaining hand-in-hand, he pulls me alongside him, heading toward the wide-open double doors of the bus. After paying the bus fare, Jungkook leads me to an empty two-seater toward the back of the almost empty vehicle. He guides me to sit next to the window, his hand that was holding mine now at the small of my back. I submissively sit down, placing my bag down in front of me on the floor. Setting my hands in my lap, I divert my attention out the glass, my eyes focused on the unfamiliar scenery.