broken boy ❀ stiles stilinski

On the inside, I could still be me

'Stiles! Stiles! Can you hear me? Stiles!'

I hear the faint sounds of what seems to be someone yelling. However I'm not able to guess who it belongs to. It might be more than one person screaming.

Everything is so bright.

But something doesn't feel right, it feels out of order.

If I remember correctly, the last time I was in this position, it didn't feel this way. There was a lot more pain, the air was colder and everything hurt.

Now.

Now everything is different.

So much different that it feels strange, it even makes me uncomfortable. This is not how I thought it was going to turn out. I thought it was the end.

'Stiles!'

The voices are getting louder, echoing through my ears. But I can't get a hold of reality just yet. There's something I need to comprehend before all these noises hit me like a brick.

I shouldn't have this sort of control. I shouldn't be able to be doing what I'm doing right now if he is...

Wait.

Where...

I don't understand.

How is this happening? How is this possible? My brain is starting to hurt because of this puzzle I can't solve. He is the one that controls me, I'm not supposed to be free...

Was I really just going to give up? Should I really be arguing about this or should I take advantage of it?

But what am I taking advantage of? Freedom?

I just don't comprehend.

You should know.

His voice is faint compared to the screaming of the people around me. What should I know? Have I missed something? I was expecting the end instead this...

I told you a thousand times. We are one. That means that we help each other. This is no longer a possession, you should know that. You know what you went through, that wasn't anything normal. You're a chimera, remember?

But.

What exactly does that mean? What difference does it make? I know what happened, I just don't...want...to remember.

He sighs.

We. Are. One. Meaning I have control but you also do as well. I'm not here to hurt you, for the meantime. You are you, and I'm me. But we are still the same. That's something you're going to have to live with.

I don't know what to do. Is this really happening? This is possible?

I'm in actual shock.

Does this mean that...

I'm still me?

Yes.

'Stiles! Come on!'

'Please

Wake up'

I come out of my trance. Those two words. They reminded me of the past. A past that no matter how much I try to forget, I can't. I have to try and stop thinking about stuff. It just hurts me more both physically and emotionally.

I let myself go into the real world. White replaced by bright surroundings.

I can hear the screams now, loud and clear.

Scott and Lydia.

The rest are silent.

I squint my eyes due to the bright lights coming from the ceiling. I can't see them but I know they're all around me as I'm laying on the floor.

I rest my arm against my eyes to make it less bright.

'Stiles! Oh my god, are you okay?' Lydia practically yells in my right ear. I flinch a little.

Everything is way too loud.

'I'm sorry.' She apologised with a slight guilt in her voice.

'Don't worry about it.' I say. A tense tone coming from me. It must be because of the noises.

Lydia was about to get near me for what I would assume was going to be a hug before she was stopped by Scott.

'Wait!'

He has a shock and a scared expression on his face.

I think I know the reason behind it but there's things he doesn't know and that he won't understand as much as I want him to. I know what he's thinking. He is trying to protect them.

Protect them from me. But I am still me. I am still Stiles. But how on earth do I tell him that? Would he even believe what I say?

'Wait for what?' Asked Lydia with concern. She obviously wanted the physical connection, to know that I'm okay. Scott is going to change her mind even when he's wrong.

'Something's off.' He says getting further away from me, trying to get everyone to do the same.

'The environment feels different...' Scott looks around the room trying to find something specific to be the cause of all this. But we both know what it is, Scott is just trying to avoid it. He has to understand that is not what he thinks.

'He is here.' Scott finally says not looking at anyone. Everyone was confused by Scott's statement.

'What do you mean by he? Who's he?' Asks Liam.

Do they even know what happened? I wouldn't expect Scott to have told them everything. I know he wouldn't be able to.

'It feels to strong. Way too strong.' Scott's voice is shaky. He's trying to get further away even though it's impossible. At the same time, he is trying not to look weak. He thinks that those things still matter. I could stop this from happening but I can't because I'm at a loss of words.

'It's not the first time, we can reverse it. There's gotta be a way to-'

'Scott!' I yell. I actually didn't expect it to come from me. I think no one expected it as they were all taken back by it.

'It's not what you think.' I said slowly trying to get him to calm down so everything can maybe go smoother.

'What do you mean it's not what I think! Of course it's what I think! I can sense it. It feels exactly like it did months ago!' Scott is angry. But I could tell it wasn't towards me, he is angry at himself. Why would he? He didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one to blame for my mistakes and for being a pathetic human being or not so human anymore.

'I know. I know this may look bad but you have to trust me-' He cuts me off. He is getting desperate by the seconds and I just don't know what to say to repair this.

'Trust you. I could never trust you.'

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Don't deny it. I'm a horrible human being. I'm so so sorry. Life is just impossible I swear.