broken boy ❀ stiles stilinski

It's not that bad.

There it was.
What I dreaded the most.
I can't.
I just can't.
Nobody understands the pain I go through because of him.
So if I'm turning into...that...
Then what he said to me was true?
We are now one?
No, no, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening. I'm supposed to forget him. Get away from him. Not unite with him.
What did I do wrong?
I stare at Theo with disbelief. He can't be right, he must be wrong. At first I couldn't believe I was gonna become part of the supernatural but now I'm gonna be my worst nightmare at its fullest?
This has to be another nightmare. Please be another nightmare.
'Stiles?' Theo brought me back to reality. If this is even reality.
I couldn't answer, and even if I wanted to answer I had no words. No word could express how I'm feeling. But that doesn't stop people from asking more than once, how are you? People don't understand that sometimes silence can speak more than words.
What i want now is silence and to be left alone.
On my own I think I would be able to make everything sink in so I'm no longer in shock but it would mean I'm accepting the fact that all of this is happening. That would be like agreeing that all he nightmares were all real and that I am him and he is me.
I can't do that. That is defeat.
But what can I do? There's people around me who are waiting for an answer I can't give them. I can't tell them it's fine, or I already knew that because I don't want any of this in my life. I just want to not feel anything at all. Not worry about what can happen in the next hour that could possibly make me go insane. That this is who I am now.
I looked at Theo and just didn't say nothing. I can make a guess and say that he understood that I just wanted to be left alone or he just couldn't be bothered with my antics anymore. But silently he motioned for everyone to follow him out of the room.
Slowly they left, some with faces of disgust, but I can't be bothered by anything anymore.
I just give up. Now alone I can think properly.
What if I just accept everything? I have tried to escape it but it just keeps getting at me. There's no way out of this. If there is, i have no will to try it anymore. It's been so long that I just don't give a care anymore.
Is this basically me accepting him into my life?
Maybe.
But would anyone care if I did?
Why would they care about someone who just ignored them when they tried to help.
I imagine it being like 'we tried but you didn't want it so now deal with it by yourself, see how that feels like'.
But it is the true.
I can feel him getting stronger and stronger through the minutes.
The voices in my head are multiplying. There are several now. Each one of them different from the other. Like different feelings and ideas.
But there's one that will always be louder.
His voice.
Being honest I'm getting used to hearing his voice. I shouldn't because it is quite a terrifying one. I might even say that is quite soothing some times but that would be a bit too extreme wouldn't it?
I think I'm loosing it.
Completely, loosing it.
I'm going insane.
He is making me loose myself.
I think I am actually becoming one with him. I never wanted to admit this in my life but I think I kind of like it you know. The power, the strength. Being able to be powerful for once. Not having to rely on someone else to be there for you all the time as I could do it on my own. Not be a nuisance or even a dead weight on someone else.
I think I never really liked being the only human after all. I was always the weak link but now I can be something more, something bigger.
And if what Theo said about becoming one of the strongest packs, it will mean we would be invincible.
He wanted to get rid of the McCall pack but my mind can't see the problem with it now. I don't know why I thought it was horrible at some point. It just means I am powerful enough to overcome others.
I like that idea.
At this point I noticed that I was smirking a bit maniacally, I'm starting to like this situation.
I can now be free.
'Welcome back!'

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••