True love is forever

Chapter ~ 12

"When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again."  

― Albert Einstein

- Viviana -

Mama's wispy hair blew in the wind as she threw her handbag into the front seat of the car and called me again. I stared from my bedroom window and sighed sadly.

Reluctantly, I sauntered down the stairs in my old track suit bottoms and my navy hoodie. I could tell by the look on Paula's face as I passed her in the kitchen that she felt sorry for me but I didn't care. My life had very little meaning left in it now.

"So how do you feel about our appointment with Dr. Slain today?"

Rain dribbled down the pain of the window my head was rested on in the car. I shrugged, what did she want me to say, I couldn't wait to hear how much worse I've gotten?

The wait was never long in Dr. Slain's practice, people in Framlingham seemed to rarely get sick.

"So Viviana, how was your holiday?" Dr. Slain started his usual small talk.

"Just cut the crap and tell me how bad I am today" my words were like knives to his kind face.

Mama's frail hand slapped my thigh. I ignored her death glare and just looked at Slain blankly. To be honest I was never like this with Slain, he was a lonely man but I wasn't in the mood for his bull. Life was too short.

"I'm sorry Dr I don't know what's gotten into her" Mama tried to apologize on my behalf.

"That's alright" Slain nodded "But she's right, things have gotten worse. The cancers spread quite drastically and Viviana's going to need to be more 

Careful in terms of how much she drink, alcohol wise and ill have to up her drugs"

I nodded alongside my mother. "So can I go now?"

"Actually Viviana I'd like to talk to you alone for a moment"

Mama looked worried but obliged and left Slain's tiny office to no doubt ring Dad in a state about this recent news.

I waited for Slain to start as he took a seat at the desk in front of me, his glasses sliding to the bottom of his nose. He slid them back up and sighed.

"Viviana I've noticed a dramatic change in your mood. On a scale of one to ten how are you feeling mood wise"

This was the way Slain always got me to talk to him. Even as a kid he'd ask me on a scale of one to ten.

I sighed "2"

"Ahh stage 4" Slain said quietly, writing something down on his jotter. "Viviana you're clearly experiencing a lot of depression, which of course in natural but I'm going to give you some pills to sort that out. It's not nice falling from such a high is it?"

I hated how right he was about me. He always talked about these stages, I never could get used to them I just knew they were along the lines of Denial, Enthusiasm, false acceptance, depression and true acceptance. I could only assume I was depressed however.

The ride home seemed to take longer and was a lot quieter. Mama's eyes were wide as she held back tears and focused on the road. I felt dry and empty, It was like I had no tears left.

I didn't even smile at Dad as he opened the door wearing his pirate hat. He always wore it to cheer me up but it didn't work, I just walked past him, up the stairs and into my bedroom where I crawled into bed and just stared at my cream walls.

It had been one week and three days since I left Spain. One week three days since I spoke to Harry. In those ten days Harry had called twenty two times, left thirteen voice messages and texted me eight very long texts. I didn't answer a single one I just read and deleted them without a second thought.

I still couldn't escape it, I was in several magazine articles and I was nearly afraid to make a twitter after what I heard about Louis' girlfriend. I prayed they wouldn't find out my name and so far they hadn't.

The wall didn't suddenly become interesting the more I looked at it but it also didn't distract my thoughts, if anything it made them worse.

At one I heard Mama leave again and return a few minutes later but this time I could hear Serena's voice echo from the garden. I wondered why she was home so early.

I listened carefully and heard Paola and Mama bicker in Italian but I could only catch bits of It before Serena came up to my room and crawled into bed beside me. I turned to cuddle my little sister.

"What are you doing home so early Stelle, did you get off early for the last day before summer?"

I couldn't be angry at Serena, no one could. She only saw the best in people, she was too precious to resent.

"No, The girls in school kept saying you have some disease that you can catch and that I have it too and Mrs. Christy rang Mama to take me home because I cried about it"

My heart broke at her innocent voice.

"That's awful sweetie" I cooed.

"It's okay Vivvy, I know your not contagious and if you were I wouldn't care cause your my big sister and we could be sick together"

I patted her head and hoped she wouldn't see me crying. She needed someone strong and Dad and Mama hardly covered that, I was their main priority and yet Serena didn't care.

"Serena can you promise me something?" I said sadly. She nodded into me. "Promise me you'll never let those girls make you cry again, even when I'm not here, don't let them"

I sniffled hard and hoped my words sank in. Serena told me about school otherwise and kept my mind busy. She was so intelligent it gave pleasure imagining her as a lawyer or doctor one day.

"Vivvy?"

"Mhm..?"

"Why haven't you told me anything about Harry since you've gotten home. Did you have a row?" She held herself up to look at me and I smiled.

"Sort of sweetheart, it's hard to explain. Now go 

Down and have some dinner you must be hungry"

Serena kissed my forehead and then jumped off my bed to skip down the stairs, passing someone as she went.

Frayas red hair peaked around my door followed by her smiling face.

"Hi sleepy head!" She beamed, strolling in and opening the curtains.

I groaned.

"Oh c'mon!" She cried, pulling back the covers "It's the first day of summer V, we need to make the most of it"

"Why, cause I won't be here next summer?" I muttered harshly putting a pillow over my head.

"Oh so you're being a cow today then are you? Fine by me I'll just have to tickle you till you get up"

Fraya dived on me and began pinching my belly making me squeal. I fought but eventually gave in and got out of bed, her no bullshit always worked on me.

"Ok I'm" I panted "Now what do you want to do?"

"Sunbathe in the garden!"

"But it's only just stopped raining!"

"YOLO V that's my new motto"

I followed her to the garden and sat on the damp grass with my notebook, the sun had come out a lot at this stage but I wasn't ready to embrace it again so I began scribbling, notes and thoughts and doodles. Anything really but I wrote one thing in my book and circled it a few times hoping it would stand out.

Things will get better.